KETCH-ALL WORLD'S BEST AUTO MOUSE TRAP

About a week ago, Debenski and I both noticed quick, scurrying blurs in the bathroom. He thought it was a roach. I thought it was a horse. Wayne declared, in his best lil' Dubya, that either this thing withdraws from our territory, or we would take quick and decisive action. Snap traps were bought. Peanut butter was the bait. It was now only a matter of time until the enemy wandered into this nourishing death sentence. Except this dude was quick, and our peanut butter was captured without activating our $1.97 death machine.
Frustrated, Wayne took to throwing large books at school children. But that wasn't really doing anything by way of eliminating this ninja mouse. We were losing the War on Domestic Terrorism, and were receiving no support from the International Community.
In walks Fphatty. Normally, when Fphatty comes over, she's carrying baked goods. So when she walked in, Debbie and I were ready to chow down on whatever was in this shiny gray box she carried. Turns out it wasn't food, but the answer to our prayers: The Ketch-All World's Best Automatic Mouse Trap. It was a silent and non-violent trap, the size of our neighbor's grand-daughter, and was rumored to be as effective as a monkey and two retards clapping in a garage (Thanks, E*TRADE!).
Within days, our Humvee deathtrap was snatching up wall critters faster than a WB sitcom is cancelled. TV specials were held, and the war on Domestic Terrorism was now in our control. Hell, this thing's so good it's catching mice from other people's houses!
So if you have mice, get the Ketch-All World's Best Automatic Mouse Trap. If you don't have mice, get some mice, then get the Ketch-All World's Best Automatic Mouse Trap. You'll be glad you did, because they'll be really dead.