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22 December 2023
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A-gyil, gyil, gyil! Howdy, friends! Jebya here. I’m the King of Florida. But if you’re not from Florida, you might know me as the Bush who helped put this country back on the right track last election. I helped my baby bro win. Now he’s President, and I don’t have to pay taxes!
Anyhow, some news networks that my family doesn\'t own have been painting me to be a real bad dude. Why? Because I’m trying to protect the life of a really small child. Some mean liberals want to kill it because they think it’s a demon or something, and that it’s gonna kill its mommy. See what happens when you take drugs? You register Democrat, and think babies are demons.
Now, some might say aborting this little baby is a reasonable option. After all, the mother was raped. Plus, she’s a retard. Scientists say she has the mental capacity of a one-year-old. Big deal! Big Bird has the mental capacity of a six-year-old, and you don’t see me sticking a coat hanger in him every time he gets pregnant. And let’s not forget my brother, King George. He has the mental capacity of a five-year-old, and he runs the frickin’ planet!
But it’s not just that she’s a retard. She also has some nasty diseases, like cerebral palsy and autism, and is prone to violent seizures. If she has the demon baby, they say these diseases will make her deader than disco. Well, to that I say, poppycock! Rainman was autistic, and he could do almost anything! Christ, he’s still making movies! If that retard can make movies, this one can survive shooting out a kid.
All I’m asking is that, before we appoint a guardian to this helmet-wearing short-bus pregna-ho, we appoint one to the demon seed inside her. That baby has just as many rights as the rest of us. Why should he not have a say in whether or not we zap his brains with a death ray? The courts are up in arms about this, and deliberations could take weeks. Which is all part of my plan. If the baby gets too old to kill, the mom will have to have it. Sure, that could kill her. But sometimes you have to break a few eggs to have a good Christian omelette. What? Whatever! The waiting game worked for my brother. He put off hunting down the bastards who blew up the World Trade Center so he could get us some more family oil! And what works for the King of the Universe, works for his brother.
Fare thee well, my minions. God bless my sweet, penis-shaped kingdom. And little demon baby, I’ll see you in the delivery room.
A-gyil, gyil, gyil! Howdy, friends! Jebya here. I’m the King of Florida. But if you’re not from Florida, you might know me as the Bush who helped put this country back on the right track last election. I helped my baby bro win. Now he’s President, and I don’t have to pay taxes!
Anyhow, some news networks that my family doesn\'t own have been painting me to be a real bad dude. Why? Because I’m trying to protect the life of a really small child. Some mean liberals want to kill it because they think it’s a demon or something, and that it’s gonna kill its mommy. See what happens when you take drugs? You register Democrat, and think babies are demons.
Now, some might say aborting this little baby is a reasonable option. After all, the mother was raped. Plus, she’s a retard. Scientists say she has the mental capacity of a one-year-old. Big deal! Big Bird has the mental capacity of a six-year-old, and you don’t see me sticking a coat hanger in him every time he gets pregnant. And let’s not forget my brother, King George. He has the mental capacity of a five-year-old, and he runs the frickin’ planet!
But it’s not just that she’s a retard. She also has some nasty diseases, like cerebral palsy and autism, and is prone to violent seizures. If she has the demon baby, they say these diseases will make her deader than disco. Well, to that I say, poppycock! Rainman was autistic, and he could do almost anything! Christ, he’s still making movies! If that retard can make movies, this one can survive shooting out a kid.
All I’m asking is that, before we appoint a guardian to this helmet-wearing short-bus pregna-ho, we appoint one to the demon seed inside her. That baby has just as many rights as the rest of us. Why should he not have a say in whether or not we zap his brains with a death ray? The courts are up in arms about this, and deliberations could take weeks. Which is all part of my plan. If the baby gets too old to kill, the mom will have to have it. Sure, that could kill her. But sometimes you have to break a few eggs to have a good Christian omelette. What? Whatever! The waiting game worked for my brother. He put off hunting down the bastards who blew up the World Trade Center so he could get us some more family oil! And what works for the King of the Universe, works for his brother.
Fare thee well, my minions. God bless my sweet, penis-shaped kingdom. And little demon baby, I’ll see you in the delivery room.
artid
1384
Old Image
5_10_jebya.jpg
issue
vol 5 - issue 10 (jun 2003)
section
stories