admin
22 December 2023
Franklin,
Last week, my wife went shopping. I work and slave for her every week, and to show her thanks my wife goes shopping. Last week, she bought a new dress. The week before, she bought new shoes. I am a man of modest means, but she keeps putting us in debt. Every time I confront her, she becomes hostile and threatens to sleep with the milkman. I don’t believe you can help my situation, as it seems that you too don’t have much luck when it comes to women. I am writing to inquire as to whether or not you can recommend an inexpensive cocktail with which I may forget my problems.
Tired of married life,
Henry Mitchell
Sweet Lord, Henry, wake up! This isn’t 1954 anymore. Tell Donna Reed to get a job if she has so many wanton material desires. If that fails, tell her she is beautiful the way that God made her, and that she is much more attractive to you in the nude. Assuming you have as of yet not received a visit from the stork, this may work. As far as cocktails are concerned, I would never advocate drinking as a way of mending your problems. But, if all else fails, Pabst Blue Ribbon, while not a cocktail per say, is a mere $3.67 a six pack. Good luck, Daddy-O.
Franklin,
I would like you to answer me, but please don’t print this. I have a problem with performance anxiety. I don’t have any medical problems. "Going at it" for over an hour was a piece of cake for me with my last girlfriend. I would consider myself extremely virile. The problem I have, and even had with my last girlfriend (in the beginning), is a complicated mental torture of abandonment issues, which probably stems from being raised by abusive parents. It goes away when I am thoroughly confident the woman loves me for me, but this is a problem, as I am a bachelor on the prowl. I would like to be able to engage in casual sex like everyone else, but I can’t. My body wants nothing more, but my mind gets in the way and says it isn’t right. Can you recommend an inexpensive cocktail which would drown out my conscience?
Horny in Grand Rapids,
Nick Adams
Nick,
You may have me confused with an actual psychologist. This column is called "Matters of the Heart" for a reason. The same reason it isn’t called "Matters of Freud’s Penis". I have no psychological expertise other than a few college courses. I am an expert on when to hold a woman’s hand or open a door for her. But, beyond that, I am clueless. Additionally, I am not a bartender. I drink cheap beer like Rolling Rock and Pabst. I empathize with you, but am unable to offer you any advice. I think you will just have to wait for another woman who loves you for you. Nothing more, nothing less. Sorry I had to print this. It was a slow month.
HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MATTERS OF YOUR HEART? EMAIL FRANKLIN HERE FOR ALL THE ANSWERS.
Last week, my wife went shopping. I work and slave for her every week, and to show her thanks my wife goes shopping. Last week, she bought a new dress. The week before, she bought new shoes. I am a man of modest means, but she keeps putting us in debt. Every time I confront her, she becomes hostile and threatens to sleep with the milkman. I don’t believe you can help my situation, as it seems that you too don’t have much luck when it comes to women. I am writing to inquire as to whether or not you can recommend an inexpensive cocktail with which I may forget my problems.
Tired of married life,
Henry Mitchell
Sweet Lord, Henry, wake up! This isn’t 1954 anymore. Tell Donna Reed to get a job if she has so many wanton material desires. If that fails, tell her she is beautiful the way that God made her, and that she is much more attractive to you in the nude. Assuming you have as of yet not received a visit from the stork, this may work. As far as cocktails are concerned, I would never advocate drinking as a way of mending your problems. But, if all else fails, Pabst Blue Ribbon, while not a cocktail per say, is a mere $3.67 a six pack. Good luck, Daddy-O.
Franklin,
I would like you to answer me, but please don’t print this. I have a problem with performance anxiety. I don’t have any medical problems. "Going at it" for over an hour was a piece of cake for me with my last girlfriend. I would consider myself extremely virile. The problem I have, and even had with my last girlfriend (in the beginning), is a complicated mental torture of abandonment issues, which probably stems from being raised by abusive parents. It goes away when I am thoroughly confident the woman loves me for me, but this is a problem, as I am a bachelor on the prowl. I would like to be able to engage in casual sex like everyone else, but I can’t. My body wants nothing more, but my mind gets in the way and says it isn’t right. Can you recommend an inexpensive cocktail which would drown out my conscience?
Horny in Grand Rapids,
Nick Adams
Nick,
You may have me confused with an actual psychologist. This column is called "Matters of the Heart" for a reason. The same reason it isn’t called "Matters of Freud’s Penis". I have no psychological expertise other than a few college courses. I am an expert on when to hold a woman’s hand or open a door for her. But, beyond that, I am clueless. Additionally, I am not a bartender. I drink cheap beer like Rolling Rock and Pabst. I empathize with you, but am unable to offer you any advice. I think you will just have to wait for another woman who loves you for you. Nothing more, nothing less. Sorry I had to print this. It was a slow month.
HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MATTERS OF YOUR HEART? EMAIL FRANKLIN HERE FOR ALL THE ANSWERS.
artid
1445
Old Image
5_11_franklin.jpg
issue
vol 5 - issue 11 (jul 2003)
section
stories