TASTES LIKE CHICKEN KICKBALL: A BEER-BY-BEER EPIC

Intro: On a sunny day at the tail end of May, history was made. "Killer" Mike of the Allied Kickball Association (AKA) challenged the staff of tastes like chicken to a demonstration in true athleticism: BYOBK (Bring Your Own Beer Kickball). What follows is a beer-by-beer transcription of the day's events.
Beer 1: What great weather we're having! It's the best Sunday I've seen in weeks. Who would have guessed we'd be spending it defending our name on the kickball field? No sign of our challengers yet. This beer is delicious.
Beer 2: I thought it'd be funny to wear nine changes of clothes-- one for every inning! I didn't bank on it being so damn hot, though. It's making me thirsty.
Beer 3: (Quenching the thirst brought on during Beer 2.)
Beer 4: Apparently, there are two regular teams who play every weekend. We've been asked to sit on the sidelines and observe. We all scout the talent on the teams, making note of the game's obvious stars. That lasts for about six seconds, as Debbie, Wayne, and I realize there are a lot of girls on the field, and they are way more exciting to watch.
Beer 5: Who the hell put that Port-A-John all the way across these two fields? I'll go pee in the woods,.. (moments later) ...damn! I just barely avoided having my urine put some kid's eye out. Nobody told me there was gonna be some sort of a junior hike today! I could've been arrested for indecent exposure!
Beer 6: Our game begins. Apparently, Realtoon has been waiting for this moment all his life, as his true kickball skills shine through. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for our young shortstop, D.J. Kirkbride. The opposing team caught on, and began kicking EVERY pitch his way. It was pretty obvious that ol' D.J. couldn't catch the clap from a brothel if he tried. Six innings, and countless crushing points later, he is sent to the outfield, and replaced by Vinnie "I have no fear of the ball hitting me in the face, because, well, have you SEEN my face?" Baggadonuts.
Brother of Beer 6: Ish it me, or is this kid playing second base the besht kid on our team? He's not even a shtaff member? That exshplains it. (Beans-- can I have a smoke?) Mrow,...
Beer W: Okay. Shomething hash to giff. Eithfer I sthop drinking, or I puke while running. Wait-- did I juth kick that? That wass pretty far. Maybe I SHOULD keep drinnking.
Beer 7: Ish this game over yet? Wayne! Where the cheese at? Ha! Wha-- don't yell at me, lady. Itsh jusht a game! Mike-- you fuckin' rule! You too, Johnny Knoxville! And Yuko-- yoo made D.J. look like Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds. Nice limp-wristed throwing style, Kirkbride! Rawr,.. ponies,.. zzz,...