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22 December 2023
This month’s installment: Everything D.J. Kirkbride likes
When writer/funniest man alive D.J. Kirkbride joined the tastes like chicken ranks many moons (i.e. “months”) ago, he was just another pretty face for Wayne to order around. But, a few massive untruths later, Kirkbride moved West with the rest of us, and became a permanent fixture around the office. Which is when we really got to know him, and what he likes. Which is when Wayne got to hate more things.
Wayne’s reaction: “Yay! Hate!”
For starters, D.J. loves Superman. Loves him. Wayne? Hates him. To Wayne, Superman is no hero. He’s an alien. And there’s nothing admirable about an alien with powers, when you have cats like Batman (not an alien) running around, putting the same spandex-restricted whooping on bad guys everywhere. But D.J. also likes Batman. So Wayne hates Batman now, too.
Then there’s movies. D.J. likes a lot of movies. Wayne, on the other hand, hates so many movies, he might as well dislike the medium. Actually, I think he does. D.J. finds the good in lots of movies, and can objectively analyze them in comparison with the rest of their genre’s members. Wayne can objectively analyze D.J.’s taste, and understand that, sometimes, D.J. just likes to curl up with a box of Ho Hos and hug himself, while Meg Ryan and Wolverine sort out some romantic gobbledy-goo on the silver screen. Wayne really, really hates this. D.J. also liked Kevin Smith’s Dogma, which Wayne refers to as “asscrap”. Actually, I made that word up. But it is funny.
And lastly, but really not last-- I mean, Wayne hates a lot of stuff D.J. likes: Laotians, bubbles, weeping while whacking, etc.-- Wayne hates D.J.’s musical taste. D.J. likes a lot of whiny, emo bands. Or at least that seems to be the general understanding here at tastes like chicken. Whenever we get CDs from bands who use words like “sensitive”, “emotional”, or “wienerless”, we pass that CD right along to young Kirkbride to review. Deny it as he might, he likes it. Look at that review he wrote last month, about the dude with the mittens and the sweater or whatever. Yeah. Wayne about peed himself on reading that one. I believe his exact words were, “Too easy.”
To be fair, D.J. does not take it lying down. He constantly wishes death on Wayne. Which Wayne also hates.
Tune in next month, when Wayne is guaranteed to hate something else!
When writer/funniest man alive D.J. Kirkbride joined the tastes like chicken ranks many moons (i.e. “months”) ago, he was just another pretty face for Wayne to order around. But, a few massive untruths later, Kirkbride moved West with the rest of us, and became a permanent fixture around the office. Which is when we really got to know him, and what he likes. Which is when Wayne got to hate more things.
Wayne’s reaction: “Yay! Hate!”
For starters, D.J. loves Superman. Loves him. Wayne? Hates him. To Wayne, Superman is no hero. He’s an alien. And there’s nothing admirable about an alien with powers, when you have cats like Batman (not an alien) running around, putting the same spandex-restricted whooping on bad guys everywhere. But D.J. also likes Batman. So Wayne hates Batman now, too.
Then there’s movies. D.J. likes a lot of movies. Wayne, on the other hand, hates so many movies, he might as well dislike the medium. Actually, I think he does. D.J. finds the good in lots of movies, and can objectively analyze them in comparison with the rest of their genre’s members. Wayne can objectively analyze D.J.’s taste, and understand that, sometimes, D.J. just likes to curl up with a box of Ho Hos and hug himself, while Meg Ryan and Wolverine sort out some romantic gobbledy-goo on the silver screen. Wayne really, really hates this. D.J. also liked Kevin Smith’s Dogma, which Wayne refers to as “asscrap”. Actually, I made that word up. But it is funny.
And lastly, but really not last-- I mean, Wayne hates a lot of stuff D.J. likes: Laotians, bubbles, weeping while whacking, etc.-- Wayne hates D.J.’s musical taste. D.J. likes a lot of whiny, emo bands. Or at least that seems to be the general understanding here at tastes like chicken. Whenever we get CDs from bands who use words like “sensitive”, “emotional”, or “wienerless”, we pass that CD right along to young Kirkbride to review. Deny it as he might, he likes it. Look at that review he wrote last month, about the dude with the mittens and the sweater or whatever. Yeah. Wayne about peed himself on reading that one. I believe his exact words were, “Too easy.”
To be fair, D.J. does not take it lying down. He constantly wishes death on Wayne. Which Wayne also hates.
Tune in next month, when Wayne is guaranteed to hate something else!
artid
1662
Old Image
6_2_wayne.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 02 (oct 2003)
section
stories