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22 December 2023
Dear Franklin,
My name is Timmy, and I am now in the sixth grade. My parents don\'t like me looking at your site, so please don\'t tell them. I have a problem, and I was hoping you could help. Last week me and my best friend Josh finished our project on the book The Grapes Of Wrath. When the teacher announced the grades, we got the highest one. But instead of cheering for us, all of the kids started laughing, and now they won\'t talk to us at lunch. How can we get things back to normal again?
- Timmy Anderson, Mrs. Fairchild\'s English class, Plumcreek Middle School
Well, Timmy, the kids are laughing at you because you are different from them. You know, \"unusual\" or \"queer\". So you got little \"Timmy the Queer\" and his fudge-packing buddy Josh stealing the best grades from the regular kids. And you know what? That increases the possibilities of some of those not-so-bright regular men getting left behind. Timmy, the kids are right to laugh at you. Americans don\'t like to see their young heroes of tomorrow getting left behind, and they most certainly do not like gays. In fact, Americans hate fags. I mean, geez, it\'s practically in our Constitution. A smart little homo like you should know that by now. There is no way things can go back to normal. Everything changed on 9/11, when the terrorists saw those two phallic and homoerotic towers in the sky, and knew they had to destroy all that is fruity in America. Timmy, even terrorists hate you, and I am sure your teachers have told you how you feel about terrorists. That\'s right: you hate terrorists. Face it, Timmy, you are wrong, just like the 100,000+ civilians in Iraq who tried to stop the rest of their country from being free to hate gays, blacks, Mexicans, women, fat people, and everyone else God tells us we should hate. To put it to you simply, Timmy: save us all the headache, and get out of my country.
Dear Franklin,
Last month you gave some advice on birth control, and it seemed to be pretty sound, so I am wondering if you have any advice on conception. You see, I have been trying to get my girlfriend pregnant for two months now, but nothing has happened. Ever since our first attempt, she has neglected to return my phone calls, and even runs into the back office every time I visit her at work. When I first read her personal ad, she said that she wanted to have kids, and I\'ve always wanted to have a family, too. So as far as I can tell, we are at least of the same mindset. Since our problem began, I have read several books on couples having trouble conceiving, and I am afraid my love for her may not be enough to weather through these troubling times. From what I have gathered, we will soon be having fights, there will be some resentment, and she might even ask me to see a specialist to get tested. Sometimes I feel like I am moving too fast. I mean, I don\'t even know her middle name yet or where she lives, but I understand that building a family isn\'t all fun and games; it\'s work, as well. So give me your best advice.
Confused about biology in Hartford,
- Todd Jones
Dear readers,
Franklin fell down the stairs again or something and won\'t be able to answer this letter on time, so help him out by sending in your best advice for Todd. Remember that Todd, like you, is a real person with real feelings, so try and be nice to him. When Franklin recovers, he will pick the best answer and print it for Todd to read. For your hard work, he will send you some sort of prize or something.
- Editor
HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MATTERS OF YOUR HEART? EMAIL FRANKLIN HERE FOR ALL THE ANSWERS.
My name is Timmy, and I am now in the sixth grade. My parents don\'t like me looking at your site, so please don\'t tell them. I have a problem, and I was hoping you could help. Last week me and my best friend Josh finished our project on the book The Grapes Of Wrath. When the teacher announced the grades, we got the highest one. But instead of cheering for us, all of the kids started laughing, and now they won\'t talk to us at lunch. How can we get things back to normal again?
- Timmy Anderson, Mrs. Fairchild\'s English class, Plumcreek Middle School
Well, Timmy, the kids are laughing at you because you are different from them. You know, \"unusual\" or \"queer\". So you got little \"Timmy the Queer\" and his fudge-packing buddy Josh stealing the best grades from the regular kids. And you know what? That increases the possibilities of some of those not-so-bright regular men getting left behind. Timmy, the kids are right to laugh at you. Americans don\'t like to see their young heroes of tomorrow getting left behind, and they most certainly do not like gays. In fact, Americans hate fags. I mean, geez, it\'s practically in our Constitution. A smart little homo like you should know that by now. There is no way things can go back to normal. Everything changed on 9/11, when the terrorists saw those two phallic and homoerotic towers in the sky, and knew they had to destroy all that is fruity in America. Timmy, even terrorists hate you, and I am sure your teachers have told you how you feel about terrorists. That\'s right: you hate terrorists. Face it, Timmy, you are wrong, just like the 100,000+ civilians in Iraq who tried to stop the rest of their country from being free to hate gays, blacks, Mexicans, women, fat people, and everyone else God tells us we should hate. To put it to you simply, Timmy: save us all the headache, and get out of my country.
Dear Franklin,
Last month you gave some advice on birth control, and it seemed to be pretty sound, so I am wondering if you have any advice on conception. You see, I have been trying to get my girlfriend pregnant for two months now, but nothing has happened. Ever since our first attempt, she has neglected to return my phone calls, and even runs into the back office every time I visit her at work. When I first read her personal ad, she said that she wanted to have kids, and I\'ve always wanted to have a family, too. So as far as I can tell, we are at least of the same mindset. Since our problem began, I have read several books on couples having trouble conceiving, and I am afraid my love for her may not be enough to weather through these troubling times. From what I have gathered, we will soon be having fights, there will be some resentment, and she might even ask me to see a specialist to get tested. Sometimes I feel like I am moving too fast. I mean, I don\'t even know her middle name yet or where she lives, but I understand that building a family isn\'t all fun and games; it\'s work, as well. So give me your best advice.
Confused about biology in Hartford,
- Todd Jones
Dear readers,
Franklin fell down the stairs again or something and won\'t be able to answer this letter on time, so help him out by sending in your best advice for Todd. Remember that Todd, like you, is a real person with real feelings, so try and be nice to him. When Franklin recovers, he will pick the best answer and print it for Todd to read. For your hard work, he will send you some sort of prize or something.
- Editor
HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MATTERS OF YOUR HEART? EMAIL FRANKLIN HERE FOR ALL THE ANSWERS.
artid
2866
Old Image
7_4_franklin.jpg
issue
vol 7 - issue 04 (dec 2004)
section
stories