FPHATTY'S FASHIONS FUR ALL

I’ll cut to the chase: I’m a hairy woman. 20 years ago, I visited my witch doctor in the hopes that she would help remedy the problem. And that she did. In a matter of minutes she turned what some called my “beastly thicket” into pure gold. Not literally, of course, but metaphorically. She opened my eyes to a demanding market. She taught me to utilize my crops of locks by harvesting them.
Yes, human hair is The Wonder Textile; the most amazing fabric known to man. That’s why I’m the proud owner of fphatty’s Hair Weaves. My garments are functional fashions for everyday living. Once my tresses reach the ideal harvesting length of two to four inches, they are shorn, packaged and sent promptly to Ecuador. There, a crack team of gifted adolescents meticulously weaves them into clothing.
Where on the body the hair is taken from depends on which kind of product is being made. I choose a softer arm hair for something like a scarf, and a sturdier leg hair for something like yard shorts. No matter what region I shave for your particular needs, rest assured that this fabric will last a lifetime. After all, hair is one of the last body parts to biodegrade. It’s light and cool in the summer, and warm and cozy in the winter. And if the product gets a little dingy, simply take it in the tub with you and slather it with your loofah’s lather. All garments can be air or blow-dried. Gel or mousse can be used for added sheen.
My ever-expanding line includes sweaters, hats, slacks, skirts, and mittens. If your wardrobe is already complete, perhaps you would be interested in my line of linens. We have a wide selection of blankets, towels, bath mats and bath robes. And, speaking of robes, my elite Boudoir Collection holds several kinds of luxurious little bedroom numbers, made exclusively from the soft peach fuzz of my chinny-chin-chin.
Any one of these fine products makes a great gift. So order today!