I COULDN'T GET MY FREAK ON...

Me and Nicole went out to the club on Saturday and damn it was live! Nicole called me up and was all like, “Let’s go out to Champions tonight,” and I’m all like, “No way. Let’s go to X-Stacy because it’s girl’s night and they have gallons of MGD for 25 cents,” and then she’s like, “Alright.” So we went. We got there at 1:10am because everyone knows that the really cool people are there only for the last 50 minutes before closing. So I’m looking all fly in my little purple outfit; you know the one, with the frilly stuff and the see-through mesh part over my belly button and back and arms and shoulders and nipples. Nicole is looking about half-as-fly as I am because she made the mistake of wearing yellow. Can you believe it? Yellow on a Saturday? What a tramp! Anyway, so we’re out on the dance floor and I’m grinding with this Greek or Italian or mulatto-looking guy and he’s all like, “Aw yeah” and I’m like, “Hell yeah.” I looked over at Nicole and she was off in the corner staring at a light bulb in a lamp. Then it hit me. I was like, “Holy shit. I am so going to get my freak on right now!” So the bass is, like, pumping and stuff and we’re all shaking our stuff to Young MC’s “Bust A Move.” Or was that Def Leppard? Anyway, I feel it coming on and I was just about to totally let my freak come on when all of a sudden this aerosol slut comes from behind and pushes her way in between me and the Greek or Italian or mulatto-looking guy. And I’m like, “Excuse me?” and she’s like “You’re excused,” and I’m like, “What do you think you’re doing?” and she’s like “I’m about to get my groove on with your man!” and I’m like, “I don’t think so because I’m just about to get my freak on with him,” and she’s like, “Whatever.” Next thing I know the Greek or Italian or mulatto-looking guy is all feeling on her ass and all this shit. So I’m like, “Fuck this! I’m going home! Nicole, quit staring at that light bulb and tell me how beautiful I am!” So then we left and I cried all weekend. I can’t believe that tramp won over my man by getting her groove on. Doesn’t he know it’s so much cooler to be getting your freak on? Damn. It’s all good though because the next weekend I met a really nice black or Arabian-looking man and we went back to his place and got our freak on together! Yeah! So I’m not bitter or nothing. But if you’re reading this right now you trampy little bitch I hope I run into you at the free clinic because if I do, I’m going to claw your fucking eyes out!