HORROR IN THE HOOD

Seriously people, what the hell's going on in "the hood" these days? According to the horror section of my local Rent-and-Tan video store, it appears that the brothas are being overrun by the badass demons. First, there's Bones. The unflappable Snoop Dogg stars in this masterpiece as Jimmy Bones, a ‘70s style uber-pimp who's horribly murdered and buried in the basement of his house by some swarthy business partners. Fast-forward about 20 years later. A group of young entrepreneurs decide they're gonna buy dead Jimmy’s house and turn it into a nightclub. Too bad for them, Jimmy Bones is back from the dead and ready to fuck shit up. He causes explosions, morphs into a flesh-eating, maggot-vomiting dog and carries around the still-living heads of his decapitated victims. There's even a blood-soaked, incestuous, pseudo-rape scene in Bones for all you Woody Allen fans. Next up comes Leprechaun In The Hood. Not only is this movie laced with phat rhymes over sumptuous beats (example: "We tight. Unh, unh! That's right."). It also stars Ice-T in the role of Mack Daddy, a small-time hustler who hits it big when he captures the mighty Leprechaun and uses its powers to advance his career in the music industry. When rappers Postmaster P, Stray Bullet, and their DJ, Butch, unwittingly release the green-clad beast, the movie turns into a bad night at the Lucky Charms factory. Throats get slit with afro-picks, and reverends get mauled by zombie fly-girls. The Leprechaun gets seduced by a pre-op transsexual with the build of an NFL middle linebacker, and then fucks him,.. her,.. uh, it to death. At one point, Ice-T is trying to ease his mind with a little puff of the chronic. Then, out of nowhere, The Lep swoops down like a cheeba hawk and busts up the weed session. In the end, however, the Leprechaun makes up for his inconsiderate behavior by agreeing to produce Postmaster P's solo music. He even wraps the film up for us with a dope little rhyme of his own. It's almost like the Suge Knight/MC Hammer story, only not. Despite atrocities too great to mention and a special appearance by Coolio, I'm forced to forgive L.I.T.H.'s shortcomings for the simple fact that Warwick Davis did all his own stunts and required no makeup to play the lead role.