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vol 5 - issue 11 (jul 2003) :: interviews
RON JEREMY
interview by insane wayne chinsang

DOES THE MAN REALLY NEED AN INTRODUCTION? PROBABLY NOT. WOULD HE BE UPSET IF WE DIDN'T GIVE HIM ONE? PROBABLY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN (BUT MOSTLY LADIES), MR. RON JEREMY.

Ron: Hello there.

Wayne: Hey. Howís it going?

R: Good.

W: Good. Just so you know, Iím taping this.

R: I want you to.

W: Good. By law, weíve got to tell people that.

R: Thatís fine.

W: Okay. Also, if you want me to send you a copy of the interview before it goes to print, to make sure that itís accurate and all names are spelled correctly, I can do that for you. That way, if you end up saying something that you regret saying, you can look it over first.

R: That never happens with me. After 26 years, nothing in print is going to really bother me.

W: (laughs)

R: Fat, short, hairy bastard. What else can they say?

W: (laughs) Thatís cool. I just put it out there as an option. So, letís start by talking about the documentary about your life, Porn Star. I was wondering how the idea came about, and were there aspects of your life that you didnít show because you didnít want other people to see them?

R: No. The film people had, pretty much, free reign. I didnít want to do it at first. For about a year, they were chasing me to do it. I told them I didnít want to do it, and they asked why. And I said, ďWhat am I going to promote? Ron Jeremy the porn actor?Ē I already was, pretty much, the best known adult film actor in the world. Or at least all the magazines were calling me that. AVN (Adult Video News) did a whole special and said I was number one, and Jenna Jameson was number two. So, I wasnít sure how it would help my mainstream career. Just like having an E! True Hollywood Story doesnít necessarily get you a job.

W: Exactly.

R: John Frankenheimer advised me against doing it. And heís actually put me in five movies. He said that recognizability doesnít always help. Especially when itís recognized for that. He even experienced that in Ronin. I worked on Ronin, but I was cut from it. My name is in the credits, misspelled, as Ron Hiatt. I played the fishmonger. I owned a fish cart that got slammed by cars. And he also put me in Reindeer Games, which I also got cut from. I was credited under my real name, Ron Hyatt.

W: Was there a reason why they misspelled it in Ronin?

R: No. It was an accident. But I do appear in some of his other movies, like Dead Bang, George Wallace, and 52 Pick-Up. And he wanted to give me a little cameo in the new Exorcist movie, which he was going to direct. But then he passed away. And he gave me a great voice-over job on the HBO film about Lyndon Johnson. But they cut it after he passed away. I guess the editors decided not to use it. I was very flattered that he wanted to use my voice in a movie of that stature, which now may be nominated for an Emmy. So, thatís why I didnít want to do Porn Star. But then they really pushed it, and, what really made me go over the edge was that they purchased a synopsis that I wrote about a serial killer and a social worker. Itís a twisted love story.

W: Iíd say so.

R: So they took it and paid for it. Then they used their Jewish guilt. ďYou know, we did buy your script.Ē (laughs)

W: (laughs)

R: (laughing) Oh, you bastards. But it worked. The main thing about it is that it put a nice face on the world of porn. The John Holmes documentary didnít put a very good face on the business. But this did. One critic from Film Threat made a really nice comment, saying that after seeing those, you didnít want to watch porn; you felt guilty. Then you watch Ron, and you enjoy seeing a porn film. And I had no real skeletons in the closet, other than the porn. I knew I had no history of drugs, abuse, beating people up. You know? Just a nice, Jewish boy from Queens; so I figured what the hell. What did I have to lose? So I agreed.

W: How long did the cameras follow you around?

R: Between a year or two.

W: Did they go everywhere you went?

R: A lot, yeah. The only restriction I made, which is very funny because he (director, Scott Gill) broke it, was that he couldnít watch me do a sex scene. He couldnít be there when I had to jerk it to get an erection. But he followed me anyway. One of the funny moments in the movie is when I said to him, ďScott, donít follow me,Ē and he catches me in that little back storage area. I was like, ďYou bastard.Ē

W: (laughs) I ended up watching Porn Star with someone that wasnít familiar with the porn industry at all, and, after watching it, she said, ďRon is one of the most interesting people Iíve ever come across.Ē I think it definitely puts porn into a different light than what most people are used to.

R: Yeah. And people found it entertaining, which I think is very nice. He obviously did a great job, because everyone seems to like it. There were a lot of things I would have liked to have been different; I wish there was more of my mother mentioned. Especially in these times. Both my parents were involved in wars. I had a cousin who died in a war. He got shot, so they gave him the Purple Heart and the Medal of Honor. I showed it to Scott, but he didnít use it in the film. Thatís a great story on its own. Thatís a whole documentary in itself. And I had another cousin who had to change his religion to become a lieutenant. He was Jewish, but you had to be Christian to become a lieutenant. He died as a hero under the cross. The relatives exhumed the body, switched him back to a Jew, and buried him under a star. So a lot of that stuff didnít make it in there. And a lot of the celebrity stuff didnít make it in there, because itís too expensive. You have to buy the rights to all kinds of things.

W: Right.

R: Can you hold on a second?

W: Yeah, sure.

[RON TAKES A CALL ON THE OTHER LINE.]

R: Sorry about that. That might happen once or twice during the interview.

W: Thatís cool.

R: What was I saying?

W: You were talking about celebrity usage.

R: Oh yeah. So it was hard to get a lot of celebrities because it was too expensive. We had Eddie Murphy and a great routine he does about me; we had me on Jay Leno, which theyíre actually using in the Australian version, which I think is so great. They donít give a fuck about rights. And we had me and Barbara Walters, Ted Koppel, and me in other movies and TV shows, like The Man Show. They were able to use stuff from Conan OíBrien.

W: Yeah. I saw that they used a lot of that, actually.

R: Yeah. And we had stuff from Jerry Springer, but Viacom said we couldnít use it. It was just so frustrating. That piece we used from Nash Bridges, the Don Johnson piece?

W: Yeah.

R: Now, I know Don, and heís a really good guy. He was real sweet to me, so I knew weíd eventually get it. I really put my foot down on that one. I asked only two things. I told them not to shoot me having a sex scene. Iím aware when there is one camera on me, because I try to suck in the stomach and know where theyíre shooting. But with another guy filming a documentary, I donít want to get a fold of flab on the camera.

W: (laughs)

R: I always try to know where the cameras are so I can deal accordingly. And the second deal was, I couldnít tell them what they could and couldnít use. I had no approval at all. But I told them that if they didnít use the Don Johnson piece, then Iím not going to promote the movie anywhere. Iím not going to fly anywhere in America or around the world, which Iíve done a lot of, by the way, unless that piece goes in there. Because I didnít want that cut out. Nash Bridges cost us $9,000 for every ten seconds. Celebrity Death Match: $9,000, ten seconds. Saturday Night Live: $9,000, ten seconds. That was in there with Jon Lovitz playing me. I told them, ďI know itís very expensive, but youíre not going to cut that out.Ē Otherwise, it just would have looked like I was a guy who wishes he could get work someday. At least having that in there shows, ďLook at that. He got on an episodic television show at night, and itís a drama.Ē Or a quirky feature film, like Orgazmo, which is still very important. They can say all the jokes they want. ďOh, he wants to become famous.Ē ďOh, he wants to be an actor.Ē But how many actors get on Nash Bridges? And there were others, too, like Just Shoot Me. But I wanted Nash Bridges to be in there for sure. So they agreed with it, they kept it in, and bingo. I promoted the film everywhere.

W: So--

R: Oh. I wanted to go back to one thing. Sorry.

W: Sure.

R: About my parents in the war. I couldnít believe that my mother being in the OSS, which became the CIA in the late-Forties, was cut from the movie. She was a lieutenant, a decoder, and a cryptographer. Because she spoke fluent German and French they put her right into the army. They gave her high-rank, incase she was ever captured. She fought the Germans, and my dad fought the Japanese. And what kills me is that was a credit. (laughs) Itís in the movie as a credit. I said, ďScott, what are you thinking? You had pictures of her in her lieutenant uniform; youíve got my dad talking about her. What are you fucking doing?Ē He said he had no place to put it. And I said, ďThatís my mom, you fucking idiot.Ē

W: (laughs)

R: A lot of kids had dads in the war. But how many kids had their mom in the war? Especially as a member of the OSS and as a spy?

W: Exactly.

R: Itís what puts me in common with George Bush, Jr. Both of our parents were in the OSS/CIA. And, I went to high school with the head of the CIA, George Tenet. Thereís a big article about that in the Queens Tribune; about how we both went to Cardozo High School. We were in the same class. So, anyway. In the DVD, if you watch the extra scenes, in one of those scenes my dad does talk about my mom and the war. So thatís a little different. When people first see the DVD they say, ďWhy werenít these extras in the movie?Ē Everyone has said that about those ten extras. ďDeleted scenes? What the fuck was he thinking?Ē

W: Yeah. Because the movie was only 80 minutes long.

R: And I donít get that either. All he said to me, the whole year-and-a-half we were doing it, was, ďIíve got a goddamn mini-series.Ē So I asked him what was up with an hour-and-fifteen. And he said, ďWell, we test-screened it, and that was the time that people seemed to like.Ē I said, ďYouíre an idiot.Ē It got critically-acclaimed and nominated for the Chicago Film Critics Award; itís done very, very well around the world. So maybe he knew what he was talking about. But I still donít get it. He could have made it an hour-and-45 without even thinking. He could have added those deleted scenes and added 20 minutes to it.

W: I mean, 80 minutes is shorter than a Disney film, for Christís sake. And itís such an interesting topic. Itís not something that people come across every day. So it could have easily held someoneís interest for two hours.

R: I donít get it. I donít know why he did that. Iíll never understand it.

W: So, the feedback has been good?

R: Extremely good. But, again, one of the critiques was that they could have used a little less sex, and more of stuff like my mom.

W: So you would have liked to have seen more personal stuff about your life?

R: Yeah. Like more of Venice. Because people always ask me, ďWho was that girl?Ē Sheís not a porn actress. Sheís just a girl that I knew, and sheís been my best friend for many, many years. And sheís so attractive and articulate. Am I right?

W: Definitely.

R: Did you see that deleted scene at the end when she tells Scott, ďThere. Thatís the real Ron Jeremy,Ē and Iím on the floor with the dog licking my face?

W: Yeah.

R: Thatís damn funny, isnít it? People love that scene. And again, why wasnít that in the movie? Scott told me he loved that scene, and said heíd use it in an extra scene. But why didnít he use it in the damn movie, and play it after the credits? It is a perfect scene to put in after the credits. He said, ďIt may belittle a lot of the scenes I shot before, because theyíll assume that every time I shot someone else, you were always in the back somewhere. And I donít know if I want people to think that.Ē And I told him, ďI donít know. They might just think that it was just in this one case.Ē But people tend not to do that. Like, if I was always around eavesdropping, they tend to say nice things. And I understand that point, to some extent. So he made it an extra, and people find it very entertaining.

W: I just see it as a nice slice of reality.

R: Oh, yeah. It doesnít get any more real than that. Iím laying on the floor and the dog is licking my face.

W: Right. And I like the other scene with Venice when youíre in the bathroom with her, and sheís telling you that you are narcoleptic.

R: (laughs) What does she say again? I forgot.

W: She was just insisting that you were narcoleptic, and you were telling her that you werenít. You told her, ďIíve got a cure for what I have. Itís called sleep.Ē

R: (laughs) That was the scene in the bathroom, while sheís combing her hair?

W: Yeah.

R: Thatís funny.

W: So, in the film you talk about how Viagra has totally changed the industry. Are you a fairly anti-Viagra spokesperson?

R: I wouldnít say Iím anti-Viagra. I think itís best to do it on your own. Although, Iíve represented a couple of products that are more natural, like ExtenZe and VigRX, and you can visit them at vigrx.com. Thatís V-I-G-R-X. Better yet, a website Iíd like to promote is vigisbig.com. Iíve seen that do the best. With Viagra, guys usually take too long to climax. It is the best known, of course. And ExtenZe did really well with that late-night infomercial I did. But VigRX, the new one coming out, is an amazing infomercial. And Iíve seen that work really well. Itís an oil that you rub on your schmeckle. And theyíve got one for girls, too, called VigRL. Thatís spelled V-I-G-R-L.

W: Want to spell ďschmeckleĒ for me?

R: (laughs) Use your imagination, you bastard.

W: (laughs)

R: Find me at schmeckle.com. (laughs) No. Iím kidding.

W: (laughs)

R: I wish I had one of those, actually. (laughs)

W: You should register that.

R: Ah, who cares?

W: (laughs)

R: Oh, you know what? My site, ronjeremy.com, is very funny right now. After the interview, check it out. Youíll laugh, because itís me dressed up as that terrorist, because I look just like him.

W: (laughs)

R: All these TV shows made jokes about it: Saturday Night Live, Jimmy Kimmel. So we posed me like the guy, and weíre running a contest. Itís very funny. And my website has a whole bunch of celebrities on it. And itís free. To look at all the celebrities, itís free. Youíll see pictures of me with Brad Pitt, Nancy Sinatra, Jim Carrey, Lennox Lewis, and Robin Williams. And there are stories to go with it, so youíll get a kick out of it. There are pictures of me as a young man, my first picture in Playgirl, me doing martial arts, and there is no membership. Itís all free. Now, if you want to see other things, like the X-rated stuff, then thereís a price.

W: Cool. So, youíve been in the industry for nearly 27 years now. How is it different now from when you started?

R: Well, the girls have gotten more attractive, because weíre now attracting girls from all over the world. See, in the old days, strip clubs used to thumb their nose at the porn star. But then they saw the money we were making. So people thought, ďWell, Iíll go to California and Iíll do that.Ē So there has been this influx of dancers from all over the country. And they all came to L.A. to do scenes and work. And then theyíd go back on the road as a featured dancer. So, eventually, almost every porn star in the business today, is, was, or will be a dancer. And theyíll do appearances and make the real big bucks. Some of them can make up to $18,000 in a week. And theyíll work four weeks at a time. So figure that out. And then theyíll have websites. So, one way itís changed is that the girls are becoming very, very wealthy. The average contract begins between $100,000 and $250,000 a year.

W: Wow.

R: Jenna Jameson has bragged that sheís socked $3 million away in six years. So, the business has changed in that aspect. Storylines have dropped, because itís gone more video now. Thereís a lot of pro-amateur now, which is the biggest selling stuff, I hate to say. I find it kind of boring myself. ďSo where are you from? What are your hobbies like? Will you do a little dance for us? Thatís nice. Eat me.Ē They just donít want to have to come up with dialogue.

W: Do you miss the storylines?

R: I miss them a little bit. But Iím under contract with Metro Studios and Metro Interactive, and they try to put in some storylines. And theyíve got their pro-amateurs as well, but Iím with a good company, and Iím very glad.

W: I think it shows in the documentary that you also take your non-porn acting very seriously. So, does it bother you that a lot of other people donít?

R: No. I made a very funny comment in the documentary that sounds so dumb, but when actors see it, they say, ďHeís actually right.Ē But it came across so damn corny, the way Scott shot me saying it in my car. I should have looked at the camera after I said it and gave a wink. But itís really true, if you think about it. You know, they can make all the jokes they want. But letís see Sir John Gielgud or Richard Burton do Shakespeare with a boner. Reciting a dialogue while maintaining an erection is not always that easy. And another corny comment I make is that Stanislavsky or Lee Strasberg, all those things they teach about the audience not being there, and very, very strong concentration, and how you donít portray the character, you become it, well, Jesus Christ, porno is one of the best examples of that. You canít look at the camera manís face, or the ceiling, or a light switch. Because you just have to look at that pretty girlís face and only think that youíre with her alone, or else youíre never going to get a boner. Then again, now, with Viagra, who needs Shakespeare?

W: (laughs) Thatís a quote.

R: Or who needs a soliloquy, you know? Itís just changed things. Back in the old days, theyíd only use a handful of us guys. Myself, Randy West, Peter North, you know? You didnít see a lot of us. So there were a handful, but weíd last for ten or 20 years. Nowadays, youíll see a new guy every other month. Because now anybody can do it.

W: Whatís harder: acting in films or porno?

R: Oh, of course porno is much easier. Thatís why I did it. I settled for it. I didnít really choose it. Had I gotten more work in the mainstream, I never would have done it. But itís a nightmare. Itís just very, very difficult.

W: Right. In the documentary, you talk about how you think of disgusting things while youíre fucking so you donít come.

R: Thatís a true story. I did an article on that once. I interviewed guys and asked them what they thought of to keep from letting go.

W: It was weird when I heard you say that, because it rings true for me--

R: Well, in real life, I donít have to do that. In real life, you can just stop, pull it out, let it get cold--

W: And then put it back.

R: Right. Or use a finger or a mouth; something else. Or you can watch TV or a commercial break or something. Or, let it go. Let it go with a hand or oral, and youíll last longer when you do the nookie. Youíll keep going.

W: Right.

R: Because the second time around, guys usually last longer. So, allow some time to go by, watch television, and then continue. There are a lot of different ways you can experiment about that.

W: See, I think about boring shit. Like curtains or bars of soap.

R: You have to. Like cleaning the yard, ex-wives, or family relatives.

W: Yeah. The most monotonous shit.

R: You know what I used to think about?

W: What?

R: (to his friend Natalie, that is in the room) Is that yours or mine? (pauses, to Wayne) You know, I never really believed in ghosts. Not in people being dead, and being able to see what youíre doing or know what youíre thinking. I donít think they can. But if they could, could you imagine if they could run through your thoughts? And Iím thinking about them while Iím having sex to keep from coming? (laughs)

W: (laughs)

R: Oh my God. (laughs) So if there are any ghosts of my relatives, theyíre probably thinking, ďYou are a disgusting pig. Weíve got some surprises for you, Ron. Weíre going to carve up your penis and serve it like a turkey dinner.Ē (laughs)

W: (laughs)

R: I should put that in my comedy act. We just wrote a bit together, you and I.

W: There ya go. Iíll go on tour with you. We could tag-team.

R: (laughs) There ya go. Weíll tag-team one of my old relatives. (laughs)

W: (laughs)

R: Anyway, one of my old standard jokes was, if a guy comes anyway-- (pauses) Can you hold on one second please?

W: Sure.

[RON TALKS TO HIS FRIEND, NATALIE, THAT IS IN THE ROOM WITH HIM.]

R: (to Natalie) Iíll call for you. Itís no trouble. No. Donít worry about it. Iíll handle it. (to Wayne) Hello?

W: Yeah.

R: Okay. So, the joke was, some guys think about a manís behind to keep from coming. But thatís very, very dangerous. Because, if you think about that, and you climax anyway,...

W: (laughing)

R: It changes your entire way of life. Itís like Pavlov conditioning.

W: Because then you wonít be able to come without thinking of another guyís ass.

R: Right. And then every time you think of a hairy behind-- ďOh God! Oh God! Ahhh!Ē

W: (laughing)

R: (laughs) Like youíre Pavlovís dog in a skinner box. Itíll get you into a heap of trouble.

W: (laughs) Thatís fucked up. Hey, real quick, Iíve got two people in the room here with me, and theyíd like to say hello to you. Is that cool?

R: Sure.

W: Okay. One sec.

Debbie: Hey, Ron?

R: Hey there.

D: Hey. Whatís going on? This is Debbie.

R: Hi. How are ya?

D: Pretty good. How are you doing?

R: Good.

D: Cool. I donít really have anything to say.

R: Well, nice to meet you.

D: Nice to meet you, too. Iím a big fan of your work.

R: Thanks.

D: Sure. You know, thereís an even bigger fan of yours here that wants to say something, so hold on one second.

R: Okay.

Stella: Hello. This is Stella.

R: Hello there. You sound adorable.

S: Thanks. I brought over pizza for everyone here, and I wish you could come over and share, but--

R: What did you bring?

S: I brought pizza and salad over.

R: You should put it on the phone.

S: (laughs)

R: Where are you all located?

S: Columbus.

R: Columbus, Ohio?

S: Oh yeah.

R: Iíve done shows over there many times. Whatís the name of the publication?

S: Itís tastes like chicken.

R: tastes like chicken. Thatís funny.

S: Yeah. Well, thanks so much for talking to me.

R: Sure.

S: Hereís Wayne.

R: Okay.

W: Hey. Thanks for doing that.

R: My pleasure. So you guys are based in Columbus?

W: For right now. Weíre moving soon.

R: Good. Hereís a joke for you. If you like chicken, and you like rooster, and you like duck, youíll like whatís in my pants, because itís foul.

W: (laughs)

R: (laughs) That should be your theme. Or, if you like birds, youíll like whatís in Wayneís pants, because itís just a swallow.

W: (laughs)

R: Or, if you like fruit, youíll like whatís in my pants, because itís a peach. (laughs)

W: (laughs) Iím going to use those.

R: Good.

W: So, you knew John Holmes?

R: Yeah.

W: And someone told me you two had nicknames for each other.

R: Yeah. He used to call me ďLittle DickĒ. He had me beat by about an inch-and-a-half. Iím about nine-and-three-quarters, and he was eleven something. So Iíd say to him, ďWith you, John, itís not sex. Itís a Pap Smear.Ē

W: (laughs)

R: Iíd say, ďYou can enter the damn uterus, for Godís sake.Ē So, he called me ďLittle DickĒ, and Iíd call him ďPap SmearĒ.

W: Did you see the article in the newest Rolling Stone, about this kid with a huge dick that claims to be Johnís illegitimate son?

R: Oh, I heard about that.

W: Heís 14 inches, supposedly.

R: Heís not that good-looking. Itís probably a bullshit story. Itís not Johnís son. Heís my son, actually. (laughs)

W: (laughs) Okay. Iíve just got one more question for you. We ask everyone this.

R: Okay.

W: Do dogs have lips?

R: Do dogs have lips? Hmm. (pauses) One second.

[RON TALKS TO HIS FRIEND NATALIE.]

R: (to Natalie) Do dogs have lips? They do? Okay. (to Wayne) I asked my friend Natalie, and she says they do.

W: They do?

R: According to her, they do. And sheíd know. Natalie knows everything.

W: Sounds good to me.

VISIT RON HERE.

PURCHASE ITEMS BY RON JEREMY


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