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vol 6 - issue 02 (oct 2003) :: entertainmental
toy review by jeremy scott

You know what? There just isn't enough controversy in the toy universe. Sure, I find collecting various plastic knick-knacks exhilarating. But controversial? No. At least nothing that would inspire a deluded, half-brained twit to drag his Bible and brainwashed family to picket Toys "R" Us like they would, say, a gay high school. Well, here's yet another reason to be thankful that Todd McFarlane's company keeps on churning out fine pieces of art.

His latest release is the Twisted Land of Oz, based on the book The Wizard of Oz. This series is a true gem whose sole purpose seems to only be to piss people off. The Wizard of Oz has been around for so long it has now been thrown to the whims of public domain. What does this mean exactly? It means you can do whatever the fuck you want to do to it. And look at the crazy antics that have ensued!

Toto has been re-envisioned as a demonic slug beast with a disturbing legless rider. The Tin Woodman looks liked a haggard zombie with some bits of metal thrown on him for good measure. The Lion has literally had his ass handed to him, and has been left holding his intestines. The Wizard is a cross between a Victorian nobleman and a Cenobite with a Nazi gasmask. Dorothy is the showcase of the entire line. She's pretty much naked, in bondage, being dragged around by decrepit nude Munchkins branding her on the ass with a hot poker. Judy Garland would be rolling around in her grave right now if she wasn't downing Jell-O shots off Satan's chest.

Yes, it's a very interesting toy collection. But for all the acclaim I have just given them, there's not one I'm really terribly fond of. Though I never really enjoyed the candy-coated movie, I like the concept of twisting and exploiting the original story and, in the process, coming up with unique, creative designs for the characters. Unfortunately, what we end up with is not unique, and merely winds up being a waste of a great opportunity. Instead of really interesting new characters, we get a bunch of bizarre figures that could be mistaken for the Spawn line or any number of the monster toys they create.

Obviously, Twisted Land is not a total waste. Dorothy is a really hot, dirty bitch who conjures up many deep feelings inside me, but that's my own personal problem that could be alleviated with years of intense psychotherapy.

As I stated before, this line of action figures seemed to be created for the sole purpose of simply upsetting the fans of The Wizard of Oz movie. So, even though the toy line is not terribly innovative, it gets a gold star from me. Could you imagine an uptight mom ordering a Dorothy figure, sight unseen, for her six-year-old daughter's birthday, and receiving a package from Amazon with two slimy demons jabbing a hot poker up a bondage slut's hot ass? That fact alone makes up for my underlying dissatisfaction with the Twisted Land of Oz.


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