Close your eyes for a second. Close 'em good. Now, imagine you're sitting, enjoying your day, minding your own business, when all of the sudden a full-blown unicorn gallops out of your ass. You're kinda pissed at first, because this really hurt. I mean, it ripped up your rear something awful. But being pissed passes once the laughter kicks in. Gotta' admit: shitting a unicorn is some pretty funny stuff. Then the laughter dies down, and you start to feel a little self-conscious about having shit out a unicorn. A horse is one thing. A stallion, sure. A colt, fine. Hell, even a pony would've been okay. But a unicorn? Jesus, that's pathetic. Might as well have shat out one of those Anne Geddes babies, or John Leguizamo. Lisa Frank (lisafrank.com) wouldn't even think your unicorn situation was cool!
So now you're embarrassed, sore, and stuck with a live fucking unicorn! What do you do now? You listen to Nod's Good Night Sleep, and feel better knowing there is something worse than having your day (and asshole) interrupted by the Harvey Fierstein of horses.
Get well soon,