FEATS OF BRAVERY: CDWF

TRUE STORIES OF HEROES' BRAVE BATTLES
BRAVE SOUL OF NOVEMBER 2002: CHIEF DANCE WITH FEATHERS


In honor of Thanksgiving, we talk with Chief Dance With Feathers about his brave tale with the White Man.
Darby: Thank you, Chief, for taking some time to talk with us.
Chief Dance With Feathers: Please, call me Feather.
D: Ah, okay,.. Feather. Tell us your story.
CDWF: It was many, many moons ago--
D: Ah, Feather, This article can only be 310 words long; We don’t have time for that many moons. Just skip ahead.
CDWF: You want to hear story or not, pasty White Man?
D: Sorry. Continue. And I'm Irish by the way; I can't help it if I'm pasty!
CDWF: You all look the same to me. Hey! You're wasting my words; we've only got something like 190 words left! You are tricky, White Devil.
D: Chief, time really is of the essence. If you want to continue, you will have to--
CDWF: Aha! You do it again!
D: What?!? What am I doing?
CDWF: You just say “you will,” and did not use a contraction! You are wasting words! Trying to keep Dancing Feather from telling story!
D: Are you fucking kidding me?!?
CDWF: White Man purposefully not using contractions!
D: What about you, Tonto? You’re not using contractions. “Did not,...” “You are,...” Isn’t there a shorter way to say that?
CDWF: You're just condescending me.
D: Don't you mean “you are?”
CDWF: Quit it!
D: What do you mean, Chief Dance With Feathers?
CDWF: Stop it! Now you're using my full name to take up space!
D: I most certainly am not, Chief Dance With Feathers.
CDWF: Please. I just want to tell my story.
D: I'm sorry. This is silly. You were saying?
CDWF: I too am sorry. It's just that, for years the White Man has wronged my people, and I always feel like he doesn't want our story told.
D: Well, go ahead.
NOTE FROM EDITOR: I'm sorry for cutting this story short, but it’s on a very strict word count. In no way does tastes like chicken censor Native Americans!


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