THE MISERABLE NINJA

There once was a young ninja. He was the greatest pupil his master, Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars, had ever taught. He was the quickest and deadliest of all the student ninjas in his age group.
But this lil' ninja came from a blue-collar family. Hard working though they may have been, his mom and dad (They were not ninjas, but a gas station attendant and receptionist, respectively.) could not afford to send him to Ninja School. In fact, Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars taught him in the evenings for free. (Honestly, he could afford to, with all the Hollywood clients he had been hired to guard: Tom Hanks, Stephen Dorff, Sandra Bullock. Dude was makin' money hand over open fist.) But Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars wasn't a particularly generous man. He taught the young ninja for free because he saw much potential in him.
So while the other ninjas the boy's age attended Ninja School, our young ninja went to public school. Which isn't really all that bad for regular kids, but for a ninja it sucks. All the things ninjas are praised for in Ninja School cause trouble in public schools. One evening after intense training, the young ninja voiced his concern to his master, Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars.
"Master, I've been really bummed lately."
"Why?" asked Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars.
"Well," began the young ninja hesitantly. "I,.. um,..."
"Spit it out, boy!" demanded Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars, who was very busy.
The young ninja unburdened his soul: "School sucks!"
"All kids say that."
"But it's different in a public school if you're a ninja."
Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars put down the pair of brass knuckles he sometimes liked to show the kids but forbade them to use. He'd never gone to public school, and a wise man knows to listen and learn that which he does not understand.
"I mean," whined the young ninja, "I'm always counted absent from class!"
Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars was shocked, almost dropping his sais. "But you go to school everyday!"
"Yes, Master Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars, but my ninja training, which is really all about being invisible--"
"And kicking ass," said Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars.
"Yes, that, too. But I've become so adept at being invisible in plain sight, that the teachers never see me!" Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars nodded as the young ninja continued. "I get A’s on my tests and homework, but the teachers never know where they came from!"
Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars laid down his katana and furrowed his brow. A wise man knows when to keep his damn fool mouth shut and listen.
"And prom's coming up--"
"Who's your date?" Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars asked.
"I don't have one!"
"But,.. how could this be?" Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars, who looked a lot like Robert Loggia, was confused. "A good looking boy like you--"
"That's just it!" explained the young ninja. "The girls can't see me because I'm invisible 'n shit all the time! And even if they could see me, my face is always covered by this silly mask!"
Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars began to understand.
"And these silly footies we wear. Why's the big toe separated from the other four toes?"
"FOUR?!?" Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars exclaimed in shock, before remembering that he was a little different from other people. "Oh, yeah,.. four. Well, never mind that. As for your problems-- some things are more important than being a ninja."
"Really?"
"Like chicks and stuff."
Not long after, Eddie Bourbon: Ninja to the Stars called in some favors from his Hollywood friends and got the young ninja a lead roll on a then upcoming new show to be called Dawson's Creek. Now fans of teenage melodrama all know and love the young ninja. Is he Dawson or Pacey, you may wonder? That is a secret I shall take to my grave.
READ MORE OF D.J.'S WORK AT PURELARD.NET.