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22 December 2023
WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month Frank wrote to the human cloning, alien weirdos THE RAELITES.
Dear Raelian Life Forms,
I recently learned about your organization and alleged "human clone" on CNN Headline News. Like many Americans, I rely completely on the television and 24-hour news channels to keep me informed, and to create my opinions for me. At first, I wasn't sure what to think. But after a careful dissection of all of the facts, I have determined that I am 82% opposed to human cloning, 10% for human cloning and 8% undecided on how I feel about human cloning (with a margin of error of 3%) just like the rest of the American public.
However, the human cloning issue isn't what has fascinated me about all of this. What intrigues me is this belief your organization has that the entire human race was created by aliens who genetically manipulated their own DNA. I too believe that supremely intelligent alien beings would give rise to humanity and spread their message of genetic creationism by contacting a French journalist. If there are two things the people of the world can trust, it's definitely Frenchmen with wild, crazy beards, and journalists. Why even bother telling the Chinese or Americans, what with their millions of citizens speaking a common language? No, first you conquer France, then Quebec, then the world!
I suppose what really hooked me in was the way you represented the alien race, the Elohim. I always imagined that aliens would look like roadies for Dokken. It just makes sense that they would wear eye shadow, have huge foreheads, and be coifed in long, dark hair and a matching soul patch. I guess even aliens need to stimulate the ladies when they go downtown. And what better way to attract a mate than to look like Steve Vai or Paul Stanley. Rock on my genetic slave masters!
Expect my donation soon,
Frank Putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
This month Frank wrote to the human cloning, alien weirdos THE RAELITES.
Dear Raelian Life Forms,
I recently learned about your organization and alleged "human clone" on CNN Headline News. Like many Americans, I rely completely on the television and 24-hour news channels to keep me informed, and to create my opinions for me. At first, I wasn't sure what to think. But after a careful dissection of all of the facts, I have determined that I am 82% opposed to human cloning, 10% for human cloning and 8% undecided on how I feel about human cloning (with a margin of error of 3%) just like the rest of the American public.
However, the human cloning issue isn't what has fascinated me about all of this. What intrigues me is this belief your organization has that the entire human race was created by aliens who genetically manipulated their own DNA. I too believe that supremely intelligent alien beings would give rise to humanity and spread their message of genetic creationism by contacting a French journalist. If there are two things the people of the world can trust, it's definitely Frenchmen with wild, crazy beards, and journalists. Why even bother telling the Chinese or Americans, what with their millions of citizens speaking a common language? No, first you conquer France, then Quebec, then the world!
I suppose what really hooked me in was the way you represented the alien race, the Elohim. I always imagined that aliens would look like roadies for Dokken. It just makes sense that they would wear eye shadow, have huge foreheads, and be coifed in long, dark hair and a matching soul patch. I guess even aliens need to stimulate the ladies when they go downtown. And what better way to attract a mate than to look like Steve Vai or Paul Stanley. Rock on my genetic slave masters!
Expect my donation soon,
Frank Putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
artid
1058
Old Image
5_5_putz.jpg
issue
vol 5 - issue 05 (jan 2003)
section
stories