THE STORY GRAVEYARD: DEBBIE'S PERSONALS

We don’t print everything we write. I know. Can you believe it? On these next two pages we offer you four stories that have been buried for so long, we almost forgot about them. Almost. Why are we running them now? Because we love torture.
Enjoy.
- Wayne
NOTE FROM WAYNE: THIS ARTICLE ISN’T THAT OLD. I’VE ONLY BEEN HOLDING IT FOR A MONTH. AND THERE REALLY ISN’T ANY FUNNY BACKSTORY WITH IT. WE JUST DIDN’T HAVE ROOM FOR IT LAST MONTH. AND DEBBIE’S SHIT IS ALWAYS THE FIRST TO GO. HONESTLY, THOUGH, I FUCKING LOVE THIS ARTICLE.
1. SWM seeking SWF or HERMAPHRODITE. Somewhat inexperienced, but willing to experiment with oils, anal, sex toys, stainless steel and origami. Likes the Christina Aguilera look, but will settle for Star Jones.
DATING CODE: SINGLEFRY_WILLINGTOSUPERSIZE
2. Sexy SF seeking introverted SM web designer. Extensive DVD collection and pet chihuahua are turn-ons.
DATING CODE: THEFORTYYEAROLDMANONTHEOTHER SIDEOFTHESCREEN_WHENYOUTHINKYOU'REREALLY HAVINGCYBERSEXWITHA HORNYTEENAGECOED
3. SWM Jedi seeking warrior princess to travel the universe with. Must be fluent in Klingon and know lyrics to Ewok victory song at the end of Return Of The Jedi. Knowledge of Battlestar Galactica and Michael J. Fox trivia is encouraged.
DATING CODE: WOOKIESARECOOL_GODDAMMIT
4. SLF seeking attractive MM who's into sports, cell phones, and intelligent women. Want to be liked for who I am, not how well I give head. Of course, due to low self-esteem, I'll let you stick it in my butt if that will make you love me.
DATING CODE: GOLFBALLTHRUAGARDENHOSE
5. SBM seeking artsy SF who isn't a total flake. Black-framed glasses, black and grey wardrobe and modern sensibilities are a must. Mysterious/annoying hippie rhetoric and an unhealthy obsession with a man who treats you like shit are turn-ons. Absolutely none of that "let's be friends" crap.
DATING CODE: EVERYGUYYOUKNEWINCOLLEGE_BUT DIDN'TGOOUTWITHBECAUSEHEWASN'TADATERAPIST