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22 December 2023
GAHANNA, OH - Adam Larkin, 35, won the Pick 3 Wednesday, and is having what experts are already calling “the most ridiculous ideas of grandeur ever.”
Initially, he had not heard that he had actually won. But while on break at work, he was looking through the paper and saw his lucky numbers: 7-5-8.
"He jumped up and kicked over the break table, which was bad because Earl still had two doughnuts left. Earl started yelling and asked Adam what the hell was wrong with him. Adam just started screaming hysterically about how he was going to ‘blow this popsicle stand.’ I think he meant that he was quitting," said Henry Fartho, a co-worker at Lamco, a heat shield manufacturing plant in Worthington.
Later that day Larkin called a press conference to thank the Lord for his great fortune, and to reassure the public that he was not going to forget them. He then lit a cigarette with a burning $100 bill, and asked if there were any helicopter salesmen in the room. Unfortunately, there were no helicopter salesmen; only three journalists and a curious janitor.
"When he said he was going to find a cure for polio, even if it ruined him financially, that was when I knew something wasn't right about this character. Even I know that polio hasn't been a problem since my grandaddy was a little boy," said Larry Ward, the janitor who was assigned to clean the room after the conference.
Albert Edgar, a professor of psychology at The Ohio State University, had this to say: "Larkin is clearly deluded. He won a Pick 3 that was split four ways. I think he is walking home with somewhere around $73. I do not have enough information at this point, but many of my colleagues are certain that this is the greatest misperception of reality in the history of the North American Lottery System."
Initially, he had not heard that he had actually won. But while on break at work, he was looking through the paper and saw his lucky numbers: 7-5-8.
"He jumped up and kicked over the break table, which was bad because Earl still had two doughnuts left. Earl started yelling and asked Adam what the hell was wrong with him. Adam just started screaming hysterically about how he was going to ‘blow this popsicle stand.’ I think he meant that he was quitting," said Henry Fartho, a co-worker at Lamco, a heat shield manufacturing plant in Worthington.
Later that day Larkin called a press conference to thank the Lord for his great fortune, and to reassure the public that he was not going to forget them. He then lit a cigarette with a burning $100 bill, and asked if there were any helicopter salesmen in the room. Unfortunately, there were no helicopter salesmen; only three journalists and a curious janitor.
"When he said he was going to find a cure for polio, even if it ruined him financially, that was when I knew something wasn't right about this character. Even I know that polio hasn't been a problem since my grandaddy was a little boy," said Larry Ward, the janitor who was assigned to clean the room after the conference.
Albert Edgar, a professor of psychology at The Ohio State University, had this to say: "Larkin is clearly deluded. He won a Pick 3 that was split four ways. I think he is walking home with somewhere around $73. I do not have enough information at this point, but many of my colleagues are certain that this is the greatest misperception of reality in the history of the North American Lottery System."
artid
1109
Old Image
5_6_ed.jpg
issue
vol 5 - issue 06 (feb 2003)
section
stories