CAREY-ING LESS POUNDS

SANTA MONICA, CA - Singer, actress, and known bestiality participant, Mariah Carey, has recently discovered a new way to shed pounds.
Carey, 32, was inspired while shopping on Santa Monica's famous Third Street Promenade. The three block long, outdoor mall is home to dozens of homeless and poor.
"I started noticing how thin all of the homeless people were, and that's when I got the idea," Carey stated. She conducted interviews with several of the homeless, asking them what their diets consisted of. "Most of them said they only ate half-eaten food from other people. But I also noticed that homeless people are always walking around, since they don't have a living room or sitting room or something like that, you know? So I put those two things together, and came up with what I call the Home-Less Pounds Diet (HPD)."
While on HPD, dieters will only be allowed to eat the uneaten portions of other people's meals.
"By eating only leftovers, you're not getting as much fat," Carey stated. HPD participants will also spend three nights a week on the streets, forcing them to walk around for 17 hours without being able to rest due to store owners kicking them out of available space. "They will be forced to keep moving in order to stay warm and not get arrested."
Carey's new plan is spreading quickly across Pomona and Beverly Hills Adjacent, and is getting much publicity. In order to learn more about HPD, please go to hlessdiet.com.