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22 December 2023
BALTIMORE, MD - Jeremy Clemons (13) passed away last Thursday when he failed to complete the last task in a complex series of obsessive compulsive chores. Scientists around the world are baffled, as this puts into question the relativity of the past 50 years of psychological research.
"We always thought Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) was a result of a chemical imbalance in the brain,” said Lars Von Van, a leading psychological expert at Johns Hopkins University. “We never suspected that the feeling of impending doom its sufferers experienced had any basis in reality. When Jeremy's body slowly melted, and the Grim Reaper appeared to purge Jeremy's internal organs from his body, the scientific world was turned upside down."
Every morning for the past five years, Jeremy arose from the left side of the bed at exactly 7:13 a.m. He proceeded to try on and discard four pairs of socks, and open and close the top drawer of his dresser 17 times, and then don a brown pair of pants. After this, he made and re-made his bed eleven times, finished getting dressed, and washed his hands three times. He then would go down the stairs in an unusual manner, which was based upon the day of the week, and then flip the light switch at the bottom of the stairs seven times. After this he would go about his day.
"We always thought he was crazy,” said Margaret Clemons (37), Jeremy’s mother.
“Last Thursday I had had enough, and I said, ‘Jeremy Longhorn Clemons! If you touch that damned light switch one more time I will never buy you another Hey, There's A Turkey In My Pocket!® again!’ It was during this pause that we heard a knock at the front door. Jeremy started screaming hysterically. When I opened the door I realized it was the Grim Reaper,.. oh God! What have I done? Why didn't I listen to my dear sweet boy?"
Services will be held February 7 at 3:17 p.m. at the Rest Land Cemetery at 1392 Grove Road.
All guests are required to wear brown pants and wash their hands three times before the burial.
"We always thought Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) was a result of a chemical imbalance in the brain,” said Lars Von Van, a leading psychological expert at Johns Hopkins University. “We never suspected that the feeling of impending doom its sufferers experienced had any basis in reality. When Jeremy's body slowly melted, and the Grim Reaper appeared to purge Jeremy's internal organs from his body, the scientific world was turned upside down."
Every morning for the past five years, Jeremy arose from the left side of the bed at exactly 7:13 a.m. He proceeded to try on and discard four pairs of socks, and open and close the top drawer of his dresser 17 times, and then don a brown pair of pants. After this, he made and re-made his bed eleven times, finished getting dressed, and washed his hands three times. He then would go down the stairs in an unusual manner, which was based upon the day of the week, and then flip the light switch at the bottom of the stairs seven times. After this he would go about his day.
"We always thought he was crazy,” said Margaret Clemons (37), Jeremy’s mother.
“Last Thursday I had had enough, and I said, ‘Jeremy Longhorn Clemons! If you touch that damned light switch one more time I will never buy you another Hey, There's A Turkey In My Pocket!® again!’ It was during this pause that we heard a knock at the front door. Jeremy started screaming hysterically. When I opened the door I realized it was the Grim Reaper,.. oh God! What have I done? Why didn't I listen to my dear sweet boy?"
Services will be held February 7 at 3:17 p.m. at the Rest Land Cemetery at 1392 Grove Road.
All guests are required to wear brown pants and wash their hands three times before the burial.
artid
1119
Old Image
5_6_reaper.jpg
issue
vol 5 - issue 06 (feb 2003)
section
stories