SHANGHAI KNIGHTS

Shanghai Nights is a pulse pounding, astonishing flick. But I must admit, it did leave me a little confused. It begins at the great London Historical Museum in England on a dark, stormy night. A bolt of lightning strikes the museum and somehow resurrects the remains of Tutankhamen. The dead pharaoh is obviously not happy with his current situation, and threatens to destroy all of Europe with an antique atomic bomb, unless the Queen gives him the one thing that will fulfill his insatiable appetite for destruction: Godiva chocolates. A lifetime supply. The Queen was obviously upset and didn't believe enough Godiva chocolate even existed on Earth, so she did the only thing she could: summoned Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson to go Egyptian all over Tut's ass. Wow! What an adventure! It did lose me a little bit at times, though. For example, Tut's revenge by plague of killer, flesh-eating Marshmallow Peeps was a bit much. And the addition of mummy multiplication with a splash of water seemed to be done before. Both of these quibbles were easily overlooked by the finale. After beating the shit out of both Jackie and Owen, Tut disemboweled both of them and arranged both of their corpses in funny, homoerotic poses, just before skull-fucking them both with his ancient scepter. Yes, it was a tremendous movie and,.. aw, okay. I admit it. I went to the theater on the wrong day and missed the whole movie. But I bet it ends just like that.