TURBONEGRO

Right now, I’m on my umpteenthousandth listen of Turbonegro’s “Rock Against Ass”. I’m still not sure what in the hell they’re talking about, but it fucking rules regardless. Then again, why would you even question the rock-ness of a song called “Rock Against Ass”.
Hell-- why would you question the rock-ness of any of the following songs: “Rendezvous With Anus”; “Are You Ready (For Some Darkness)”; “Good Head”; “The Midnight NAMBLA”; “I Got Erection”; “Hobbit Mutherfuckers”.
These are just a handful of the hard-rocking pills you get to swallow when you buy the Burning Heart-reissues of Turbonegro’s Apocalypse Dudes, and Ass Cobra-- two albums that, in my superior opinion, rock harder and louder than anything Rikki Rachtman ever plugged on Headbanger’s Ball (other than Poison’s Brett Michaels, because you know Rikki plugged him like a champ).
Why buy two? Why not just buy one, and spend the rest of your money on some cheap pot to smoke with your girlfriend’s mom? Because they’re different, that’s why. Ass Cobra is the raw, reckless hellion of a record that bleeds you dry like a hung, gutted pig. Apocalypse Dudes is the more melodic hellion of a record that bleeds you dry like a hung, gutted pig.
But you can debate that one, Cochese. I’m gonna get back to listening to “Rock Against Ass” again. I have a very special someone to write a sweet Valentine’s Day poem for, and “Rock Against Ass” is just the inspiration I need.
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