FREAK FILMS: STUDENT BODIES

Since it’s Valentine’s Day, Wayne thought it would be a great time to review a Freak Film just for lovers. That’s right, I’m talking about PORN! Not just any porn, kids. We’re talking about classic porn from the 1970s, where all the boobs were real, the lighting was crappy, and the pubic hair was huge-- afro-sized, in fact. I chose a film that we can all relate to: Student Bodies. It’s a story as old as time-- a boarding house full of troubled teenage girls who seduce every member of the largely male staff, including a groundskeeper named “Hedge.” What sets this skin flick apart from the others is its soundtrack. The disco-humpy music that normally accentuates ‘70s porn is even better here, because they wrote lyrics to fit each scenario. A great example is a scene with a cook and an Asian girl: "Eatin’ out-- I’m gonna' have a little chow mein / Eatin’ out-- Please lay some wonton on me." Classic!
The best song however is during a three-way with two female students and a deliveryman.
Verse: "I’m usually with one woman, but how can I say no / I’ve got a thing for homegrown cherry pie / I want that double burger, I wanna taste them buns / Then, honey, you can come and french my fries."
Chorus: "And now I’m seeing double, looks like trouble following me / I caught two beavers in one trap / And I’ve got double vision, it’s a split decision / Those big old hairy turtles sure can snap."
It might be a little hard to find a copy of Student Bodies, but it’s worth seeking out. Believe me, it will make you and your date’s Valentine’s Day a memorable one. Your finer adult stores should be able to order it for you.