COLUMBUS NARROWLY ESCAPES GAIL FORCE HURRICANE

COLUMBUS, OH - Mayor Coleman saved the city from certain doom last Thursday when he paid off a mad scientist\'s ransom of $39. Powell resident Ernie Kimball, 94, had threatened to destroy the city with his recently completed weather machine unless his demands were met.
“Normally we would not stand up to such acts of terrorism against the city. But we were like, ‘What the hell do we have to lose? It\'s only $39,’” said Coleman.
Kimball was last seen in 1927. Many believed he had passed away. Kimball now maintains that he has been working on his weather machine since then, and had forgotten to keep in touch. He sustained life on the outskirts of town with a Victory Garden and a few chickens he had been raising.
Authorities speculate that Kimball has been so caught up in his diabolical scheme, that he forgot to calculate for inflation.
“I am so giddy that them fat cats paid up. Otherwise, I woulda unleashed some wicked hurricanes, tsunamis, and really mean rain. I done showed the world that Ernie Kimball is no fool! No sir.”
When asked about pressing charges, the mayor said he had better things to do.