admin
22 December 2023
Dear young teenagers with spray-on green hair who left last Friday\'s Tossers/Bosstones/Flogging Molly show at The Newport Music Hall in Columbus before Flogging Molly even came on:
As you get older, you will learn about a thing called \"foreplay\". It is wonderful. Mostly because it leads to sex. But also because it leads to sex. It is something gentleman learn to initiate in order to haveth the sex. Otherwise, we\'d just turn on, put in, and drop out.
As you get older, you will also learn that it is never, never, NEVER okay to initiate foreplay, and forego the sex. I mean, you could, but everyone in your gender might laugh at you. That shit can scar far deeper than any physical wound.
Why am I telling you this? Because it\'s a metaphor.
Because you, young teenagers with spray-on green hair who left last Friday\'s Tossers/Bosstones/Flogging Molly show before Flogging Molly even came on, are the dumbest young teenagers with spray-on green hair I have ever seen!!! Granted, the Tossers were entertaining (not that I could hear them well over you prepubescent Punch and Judys chatting it up in teenspeak about the cute Capri pants you scored at the Easton Mega Mall Planet, or how many points you scored in last night\'s roundball game against the Spartans). And granted, the Bosstones can apparently still whip your bones into a little frenzy. But that shit\'s all heavy petting and kissing. Flogging Molly is the homerun, boys and girls. Seeing those Irish lads and lass do their thing is the big payola. You laugh, you sing, you dance, you drink-- just like sex!
They make any and all bands they play with (no matter how good they may be) look like high school talent show contestants, whose grand prize was sharing the stage with one of the best live acts in this collapsing universe.
If you learn anything from this, young teenagers with spray-on green hair who left last Friday\'s Tossers/Bosstones/Flogging Molly show at The Newport Music Hall in Columbus before Flogging Molly even came on, learn that no matter how great it feels to be rubbing on a teat or a wang-doodle, it ain\'t nothing like having your swizzle sticked. Never, EVER, leave a Flogging Molly show before they play, or you\'ll miss an unbelievable time like the one Fphatty, Debbie, and I got to see.
- Vinnie
As you get older, you will learn about a thing called \"foreplay\". It is wonderful. Mostly because it leads to sex. But also because it leads to sex. It is something gentleman learn to initiate in order to haveth the sex. Otherwise, we\'d just turn on, put in, and drop out.
As you get older, you will also learn that it is never, never, NEVER okay to initiate foreplay, and forego the sex. I mean, you could, but everyone in your gender might laugh at you. That shit can scar far deeper than any physical wound.
Why am I telling you this? Because it\'s a metaphor.
Because you, young teenagers with spray-on green hair who left last Friday\'s Tossers/Bosstones/Flogging Molly show before Flogging Molly even came on, are the dumbest young teenagers with spray-on green hair I have ever seen!!! Granted, the Tossers were entertaining (not that I could hear them well over you prepubescent Punch and Judys chatting it up in teenspeak about the cute Capri pants you scored at the Easton Mega Mall Planet, or how many points you scored in last night\'s roundball game against the Spartans). And granted, the Bosstones can apparently still whip your bones into a little frenzy. But that shit\'s all heavy petting and kissing. Flogging Molly is the homerun, boys and girls. Seeing those Irish lads and lass do their thing is the big payola. You laugh, you sing, you dance, you drink-- just like sex!
They make any and all bands they play with (no matter how good they may be) look like high school talent show contestants, whose grand prize was sharing the stage with one of the best live acts in this collapsing universe.
If you learn anything from this, young teenagers with spray-on green hair who left last Friday\'s Tossers/Bosstones/Flogging Molly show at The Newport Music Hall in Columbus before Flogging Molly even came on, learn that no matter how great it feels to be rubbing on a teat or a wang-doodle, it ain\'t nothing like having your swizzle sticked. Never, EVER, leave a Flogging Molly show before they play, or you\'ll miss an unbelievable time like the one Fphatty, Debbie, and I got to see.
- Vinnie
artid
1223
Old Image
5_7_flogging.jpg
issue
vol 5 - issue 07 (mar 2003)
section
entertainmental