admin
22 December 2023
COLUMBUS, OH - A three year-long study conducted by guys who live above a tanning salon indicates that the overwhelming majority of males who go to tanning salons are “gay”; the remainder suffer from a skin condition, or are albino.
Initially, gay activist groups were outraged by the study.
But Gary Marshall, one of the guys who lives above the salon, satiated them by expounding upon the group’s findings.
“This really has nothing to do with sexuality,” said Marshall. “When we say that men who go to tanning salons are ‘gay’, we are not referring to their sexual preference. Having had a few bisexual experiences in college myself, I can confidently say that I am all for homosexuality. The meaning of ‘gay’ we had inferred was more akin to what a naive, pre-pubescent nine-year-old boy would say when a video game failed to have particular features he desired. As in, ‘This game is gay.’”
Marshall also explained that most of the men were shallow fraternity brothers, and that the majority of the female clientele had loose sexual morals.
Initially, gay activist groups were outraged by the study.
But Gary Marshall, one of the guys who lives above the salon, satiated them by expounding upon the group’s findings.
“This really has nothing to do with sexuality,” said Marshall. “When we say that men who go to tanning salons are ‘gay’, we are not referring to their sexual preference. Having had a few bisexual experiences in college myself, I can confidently say that I am all for homosexuality. The meaning of ‘gay’ we had inferred was more akin to what a naive, pre-pubescent nine-year-old boy would say when a video game failed to have particular features he desired. As in, ‘This game is gay.’”
Marshall also explained that most of the men were shallow fraternity brothers, and that the majority of the female clientele had loose sexual morals.
artid
1239
Old Image
5_8_hamilton.jpg
issue
vol 5 - issue 08 (apr 2003)
section
stories