SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!

In this time of war it is important that we support our troops. These men, these brave, brave men, are putting their very lives on the line so that I may continue to live my wonderful democratic lifestyle here, within the safe walls of the best damn country in the world: The United States of America.
There are many ways that you can show your support: hang a flag; take part in a supportive rally; send letters and care packages to our troops overseas. But I’ve decided that I’m going to get directly involved this time around. It’s too easy to just wear red, white, and blue, or put a bumper sticker on your car. I’ve found a much better way to support our troops: I’m going to nail every lonely and crying housewife I can find. While all of our troops are off shooting their guns in the desert, I’m going to be in their bedroom shooting my gun in the bush.
Why am I doing this? Because I want to ensure that our troops can come home to a warm piece of pie, instead of a cold fish. I’m doing it for you, the defenders of our great nation.
So you go, troops! Get out there and win Operation: Iraqi Freedom for us! And I’ll stay back here and win Operation: Storm Your Girl’s Bermuda Triangle Of Love.