I LOVE THE ZOO

There are bastard people on this earth who see zoos as nothing more than fundamentally wrong animal prisons. Those people have obviously never seen how much fun caged animals have! I mean, why would any animal not like being caged up? They have round-the-clock security, all the food they can eat, and someone to clean up all their poo. Do you? No, you don\'t. Neither do I. Maybe that\'s why those bastard people hate zoos. They\'re jealous!
So what if the animals can\'t run free in the tundras and jungles with their own kind? Freedom is kinda overrated. Out there, they could get killed. Or worse yet, arrowed! Then they\'d wind up in a burger, or on a wall, stuffed like a back door at the YMCA. Cages protect them from evil things like poachers, predators, and flying dinosaurs.
And really, have you seen the cages? They\'re huge! They aren\'t cages. They’re more like giant plots of land, with really high fences. They have more cubic feet to live on than I do, and I PAY for my space. Do animals pay rent? No! Well, emu, maybe.
If I could, I\'d live in the zoo. With the fish. Or the monkeys. I\'m a good swimmer, but I also like bananas. And I\'d be friends with the polar bears. We\'d take turns shaving each other. They\'d collect my curly red hair, and I\'d collect their crazy clear hair!
I can\'t wait until the zoo opens.