ANGER MANAGEMENT

I went to see Adam Sandler’s new movie, Anger Management, the other day, and it was great. However, the experience itself left something to be desired. It started with the slow, but steady kicking of the back of my seat. THUD! THUD! THUD! I turned to see a five-year-old swinging his feet. Let the fact that a five-year-old was at a PG-13 movie at 11:30 at night pass. I kindly asked him to stop, at which point he gave me the finger and started to kick even harder. My attention was then brought to the rather large man to my immediate right, who had a depth-charged bucket of buttered popcorn, and couldn’t seem to keep his mouth closed while inhaling mass quantities of his buttered delicacy. If that wasn’t enough, he also had a large Slurpee that seemed to no longer have any liquid in it. But that didn’t stop him from sucking on the straw. SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! Then, as fate would have it, the lady to my left would not stop moving her leg. She kept moving it up and down, sometimes fast, sometimes slow. It was starting to make the entire row of seats move. Which, of course, brings me to the couple in front of me. The guy’s head was huge! But that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that they were making out (if you could call it that). It was the nasty, wet, leave-spit-on-the-other-person’s-face kind of make out. And, of course, it was right in front of me! But wait-- I haven’t even gotten to the best part. There was another couple, one that seemed to be with the nasty-wet-tongue-in-your-nostril couple, and they were talking. But not about the movie. No, they were talking about the meal they had before the show. So let’s recap: Being massaged and shaken by a five-year-old’s Nikes and a woman’s nervous twitch; more surround sound than one man can handle from one fat guy and two wet kids; and last, but by no means least, hearing dialogue not from the film. Let’s just say that I now have to attend anger management classes of my own, after watching Anger Management.