WEB EXCLUSIVE: DREAMCATCHER

Last week, Wayne and I went to see the new Jason Lee film, Dreamcatcher. It\'s the latest film to be adapted from a Stephen King novel, and with the great Lawrence Kasdan behind the camera, how could one go wrong? Everything started fine. We got to the theater early and found great seats. Wayne helped himself to some of AMC\'s finest hot dogs, and even managed to sneak two Heinekens into the theater. Things were going great. The theater filled up just before the movie started, and the audience was settling in. As the lights dimmed, Wayne farted. Now, for those of you that don\'t know, this is not out of the ordinary. Wayne has a gift for gas, and has been known to clear a room or two. He chuckled, thinking it was funny, as did some of the other people in the theater. Little did they know that something far more sinister was about to take place. Moments later, Wayne farted again, this time longer and louder than I have ever heard him before. I wasn\'t that worried at first, but then I was hit by the smell. Good Lord! Folks, if I could possibly begin to describe it to you, I would. The thought of it alone makes me want to vomit! Then he started belching. But it didn\'t stop there. He went on to fart and belch for what seemed like an hour. He turned to me and said, \"I think those hot dogs made me sick.\" This was followed by another stinky-ass fart! He then stood up in the middle of the theater, and cut the most God-awful, blood-curdling, hellish fart I have ever witnessed. He blew out his ass! I\'m not shitting you! His pants literally exploded in blood and shit! Then this giant ass-worm thing came flying out, and killed at least 15 people. Needless to say, we didn\'t see the end of the movie. We had to get Wayne to a hospital. We didn\'t want him to die again. I guess I\'ll just have to catch it on DVD.