DUBYA YOUR PLEASURE

Danny Bonaduce, good Christian voters! President Dubya here. What’s the “W” stand for this month? “WINNER!” That’s what it stands for. “Winner of the War.” That’s three “W’s”. Let’s move on.
Many of you have changed your tune since our military “transformation” of Iraq from a struggling Third World country, to a burning Sixth World hunk of tainted geography. No longer do you wish for peace. You see that we are still as mighty as we’ve always been. Your “Kumbaya” is starting to sound a lot like “What country’s next?-baya.”
It is a reasonable question. And I have a reasonable answer: The West Coast.
You see, despite my feeling it necessary to attack poorly-armed target nations whose weapons can in no way reach our domestic shores, I am VERY aware of the threat North Korea poses. They HAVE nukes. They take pictures of them, and post them on Yahoo! Personals. And they’re pointed right at our golden Californian shores.
Which is why I intend to do the only thing you CAN do in situations like these: launch a full-on military strike against the Coastal Western United States. By physically removing California, Oregon, and Detroit, North Korea has nothing to aim for, and thus poses no threat to us. As we speak, military officials are lining the border between those states and the rest of our nation with explosives powerful enough make Little Richard macho. Soon, the Pacific Ocean’s three favorite hangout spots will be coffee-cake crumbles in the bottom of the ocean. And North Korea will see that we are still the smartest, greatest, most powerful nation in all of Zoobilee Zoo.
North Korea: You are NOT hot.