admin
22 December 2023
UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT
DATE: Friday, August 1st, 2003
DEFENDANTS: Readers of tastes like chicken™
PLAINTIFFS: Lars Ulrich® and Spike Lee®
YOU ARE HEREBY LEGALLY NOTIFIED THAT YOU ARE BEING SUED BY METALLICA© AND 40 ACRES & A MULE FILMWORKS© FOR THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS:
1. You have illegally copied or downloaded one or more songs by Metallica© at least once.
2. You are white, thereby making you guilty for the tyranny of your ancestors for all time to come. Or, you are black, and have become the dog of the white man,.. that, or you’ve talked to white people before, or know some.
3. You have either uttered the word "Spike®", or your first, middle, or last names contain one or more of the following letters: "S™", "P™", "I™", "K™", or "E™".
4. Your favorite band is not Metallica©, nor is your favorite filmmaker Spike Lee®.
5. You’ve either borrowed or lent one or more Metallica© album to a friend or relative. Also, you may have sold one or more Metallica© album to a used CD store, thus making a profit off of their music.
6. You inhale oxygen, thus taking away priceless air from the Plaintiffs, Spike Lee® and Lars Ulrich®.
7. You have either turned to a different radio station while a Metallica© song is playing, or changed the channel on a television while a "Spike Lee Joint™" has been on.
8. You either supported or did not support the recent war with Iraq™.
9. You have played, or know someone that plays a musical instrument not nearly as well, or even better than every member of Metallica®.
10. You drive a car™, or have ridden in one, and, more than likely, have eaten one or more hot dogs™ or bratwurst™ in your lifetime.
YOU ARE HEREBY REQUIRED TO APPEAR IN DISTRICT COURT ON MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 1st, 2003, PROMPTLY AT 9AM. FAILURE TO DO SO MAY RESULT IN FURTHER LEGAL ACTIONS, AND WE MAY ASSUME THAT YOU ARE OUT AND ABOUT COPYING METALLICA© ALBUMS, OR NAMING RANDOM ITEMS "SPIKE®".
Signed: The United States District Court
DATE: Friday, August 1st, 2003
DEFENDANTS: Readers of tastes like chicken™
PLAINTIFFS: Lars Ulrich® and Spike Lee®
YOU ARE HEREBY LEGALLY NOTIFIED THAT YOU ARE BEING SUED BY METALLICA© AND 40 ACRES & A MULE FILMWORKS© FOR THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS:
1. You have illegally copied or downloaded one or more songs by Metallica© at least once.
2. You are white, thereby making you guilty for the tyranny of your ancestors for all time to come. Or, you are black, and have become the dog of the white man,.. that, or you’ve talked to white people before, or know some.
3. You have either uttered the word "Spike®", or your first, middle, or last names contain one or more of the following letters: "S™", "P™", "I™", "K™", or "E™".
4. Your favorite band is not Metallica©, nor is your favorite filmmaker Spike Lee®.
5. You’ve either borrowed or lent one or more Metallica© album to a friend or relative. Also, you may have sold one or more Metallica© album to a used CD store, thus making a profit off of their music.
6. You inhale oxygen, thus taking away priceless air from the Plaintiffs, Spike Lee® and Lars Ulrich®.
7. You have either turned to a different radio station while a Metallica© song is playing, or changed the channel on a television while a "Spike Lee Joint™" has been on.
8. You either supported or did not support the recent war with Iraq™.
9. You have played, or know someone that plays a musical instrument not nearly as well, or even better than every member of Metallica®.
10. You drive a car™, or have ridden in one, and, more than likely, have eaten one or more hot dogs™ or bratwurst™ in your lifetime.
YOU ARE HEREBY REQUIRED TO APPEAR IN DISTRICT COURT ON MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 1st, 2003, PROMPTLY AT 9AM. FAILURE TO DO SO MAY RESULT IN FURTHER LEGAL ACTIONS, AND WE MAY ASSUME THAT YOU ARE OUT AND ABOUT COPYING METALLICA© ALBUMS, OR NAMING RANDOM ITEMS "SPIKE®".
Signed: The United States District Court
artid
1523
Old Image
5_12_cover.jpg
issue
vol 5 - issue 12 (aug 2003)
section
cover story