THE WINTER OF MY DISCONTENT

February is the month that Hollywood unloads its leftover shit from the year before. Case in point: Rollerball. This God-awful film was slated for a summer release. However, it got bumped to February, on account of it being a steaming pile of dog shit. I think this is the first action movie I've ever seen where you can't see any of the action! Kind of a bad thing when the movie is about a sport, and you can't see what, if anything, is going on. Next on the shit list: Slackers, originally titled Cheaters. The movie isn't even about slackers; it's actually just the opposite. Just like the movie is the opposite of funny. The movie is about cheaters who scam their way through everything that comes along. Hell, Scammers would have been a better title for this movie! Too bad the content would still be just as unbearable. Here at tastes like chicken, we have one golden rule: Don't be vulgar just for the sake of an easy laugh. This movie did nothing but break that rule. Any laughs this movie got from the audience was because they were relying on things like talking dick sock puppet gags. Trust me, it sounds funnier than it plays. Lastly, let us not forget our old friend Arnold Schwarzenegger, and his film Collateral Damage, better known as Brain Damage. The events of September 11th saved us from having to endure this shitty flick in September, but could not stop it from hitting us in February. This flick is sad-- old-action-icon-tries-desperately-to-hold-on-to-his-career sad. He needs to be told it's over. I can see him in line now behind Gary Coleman, Mr. T, and Alf for the next 1-800-COLLECT commercial auditions.