THE SHIA MAILBAG

Tina,
Hey. I'm Kat. I was just flipping through all these awesome Shia sites when I found your site with all these chicks gossiping 'bout him, too. So, not to sound like some creepy freak, but I just wanted 2 know if you are or were or whateva his girlfriend, and did ya ever pash him? I mean, how majorly kool 4 u if ya did! I just wanted 2 know, does he have, like, some secret email or something, where only really close people can talk to him? Or MSN or something? 'Cuz that would be so kool if u could give that to me. Like, something,.. where I can talk to him somehow. I know u don't give people his number, so I won't ask. Thanx.
- Kat Vic
Melb, Victoria, Australia
PS: Pleez send a reply if ya get time to shazzababe58@hotmail.com! U rock!
Hey Kat,
Wow! Thanks for writing! I think you wrote. I mean, like, I thought you were a robot or something when I first read your email. All the numbers and abbreviations made me think you were speaking some sort of code or something. And I don't know if robots write. Don't they, like, beep?
Then I saw that you are from Australia. So I went back and read your email again, keeping that in mind. You know, I still think you might be a robot. There's an Australian chick in my biology class at school, and she talks just like me, but with an accent. She says she talks like that because she got punched in the mouth by a kangaroo. I think she was lying or something, because she thinks I'm a dumb American.
So, I think I understood your questions. Actually, not really. So I'm just going to answer the questions I think you asked.
1. No, I'm not Shia's girlfriend. Never was. I wish I were, though. Realistically, all he'd have to do is meet me. Then he'd, like, fall in love with me and stuff!
2. Did I ever "pash" him? Does that mean what I think it means? If it does, then no, I've never really "pashed" him. I mean, I do sometimes when I'm asleep, or in the shower, and my dad gets mad because I'm taking, like, forever.
3. Sorry, Kat-Bot. I wish I could share his email address or something. If I did, though, his agent would never let us interview him again.
I hope this answered your questions. If they even were questions. Sorry, yo.
Your pal,
- Tina Peters
Tina,
This is Lisa. My sis, Kat, (she's like 7 and likes Shia) sent u this gay email 'bout nothing. Sorry. And, no, I ain't no ho-bag either, but I just wanted to ask you if there was an Even Stevens movie. I didn't hear 'bout this 'cuz I would have been the first to see it if there was. Even Stevens is a real funny show, 'specially with Shia in it. Can I get the Even Stevens movie on tape? Or when u said "movie", did u mean, like, the series? And one more thing,.. my sis already probably said, but if u did and where did ya pash him? How kool! Thanx!
- Lisa Vic
Melb, Victoria, Australia
PS: Unfortunately, Kat and me share the same email. I know u got thousands 2 reply to, but if ya can, send it to shazzababe58@hotmail.com.
Hey Lisa,
Yeah, your sister DID write me. I wouldn't say the email was "gay", but it was kinda gay. I thought she was a robot or something.
There IS an Even Stevens movie. There was. It was, like, totally awesome. I think the show was funnier than the movie, but it was totally cool to see Shia being all cute and stuff. That movie's not for sale, but Holes just came out, so buy that.
Now, um, what does "pash" mean? Your sister asked me if I "pashed" Shia, and I, like, told her I think that means something dirty,.. but I didn't get to do anything dirty with him. I didn't even get to call or write him. Another girl on the staff here talked to him. Maybe she "pashed" him. Probably did. She's a ho like that sometimes. I think she "pashed" the kid who plays Beans, too.
Tell your robot sister I said hello.
- Tina Peters
Send your awesome Shia questions to tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com