PESTO SANDWICH THIEF!

While wasting away hours of my life in a corporation, making money for someone else, I trudged through the morning hysteria of the Human Resources Department. It was an intense morning. Three interviewees coming in; a stack of filing on my desk piled to the ceiling; worker's comp claims; and no paper in my printer. Yeah, it sure was a hectic one. And even though I had 40 things on my mind and desk to get done, I couldn't stop thinking about the clock on my computer turning over to noon so that I could jaunt into the kitchen, grab my sandwich from the fridge, and enjoy my lunch alone in my office.
You know how it is: your mind begins focusing on that one item in the fridge,.. the one you can't wait to have. Your excitement for it builds and builds until you're satisfied when you open the fridge and see it sitting in there. I love being rewarded by that feeling.
But this time, I was knocked down. Some fucker had taken my sandwich!
I had stopped at Starbucks before work. (Just for buying a sandwich at Starbucks I probably deserve having had it taken, but that's beside the point.) It was their Turkey Pesto Sandwich. A sandwich so tasty, that the first time I had it I actually took time out of my day to write Starbucks an email saying how much I enjoyed it. I paid the acne-ridden barista the $5.50, and skipped across the street to work, thinking to myself that maybe I should just have it for breakfast. But I decided to wait, making my reward even sweeter when it came at a later time.
Upon arriving at work, I put my sandwich into the plastic bag with the other treats I had brought for lunch, and put the bag in the fridge.
A few hours went by.
I went to the fridge to see my bag opened,.. and no sandwich! Someone had actually gone into my lunch bag, and taken my sandwich. And it was one of the corporate fuckers that I work with! I mean, I know our company pays us all shit, but, fuck, man, don't mess with another person's food! I was astounded. I couldn't move. I thought for a moment that I'd pass out right there in the kitchen, but I walked to my office and wrote a note instead:
TO THE TURD WHO TOOK MY TURKEY PESTO SANDWICH: I HOPE YOU GET HERPES.
All I can hope now (besides the crook suffering from a horrible case of Herpes Simplex 5) is that others out there won't be hurt. If anyone would like to make any type of food donation to Bethany Shady's Lost Lunch Cause, please contact beth@tlchicken.com.
Thank you.