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22 December 2023
TODAY'S LESSON: SPACESHIPS
The Beatles once took a train to a town a couple hundred miles away from Liverpool just to learn how to play an F chord. I bet they’d be pissed if they knew they could learn everything and anything with just a driver's license and a major credit card.
1. Even though there is no oxygen in space, there are still big flaming fireballs when a ship gets destroyed.
2. A spaceship is never so badly damaged that it loses artificial gravity.
3. In space, no one can hear you scream,.. but they can hear lasers, asteroids, spaceship explosions, and a deep, ominous rumbling.
4. In every sci-fi film since Star Trek II, when a planet explodes, a big ring-shaped shock wave erupts from it and comes right at you.
5. Even far, far into the future, whenever you drive a spaceship, you must wear a special spacesuit,.. even when driving a spaceship is as common as driving a car.
6. Helmets on spacesuits are designed with little lights that shine in on the wearer's face, so that you can recognize them while it effectively blinds them.
7. Damage to a spaceship results in camera shaking and people lurching around. Buckle up, morons!
8. Shooting weapons inside a spaceship is always a good idea. It's not like anyone could be sucked out into the cold vacuum of space through even the smallest pinprick in the hull.
9. You don’t have to pilot the ship when you go into hyper-speed, because, somehow, you miss colliding with all those planets and stars.
10. If a spacecraft is piloted by a computer, something fucked-up is going to happen to make it want to kill all the passengers.
11. All spaceships have self-destruct modes and know how long it will take for a ship to explode.
12. Any problem with the spaceship’s system results in a shower of sparks.
The Beatles once took a train to a town a couple hundred miles away from Liverpool just to learn how to play an F chord. I bet they’d be pissed if they knew they could learn everything and anything with just a driver's license and a major credit card.
1. Even though there is no oxygen in space, there are still big flaming fireballs when a ship gets destroyed.
2. A spaceship is never so badly damaged that it loses artificial gravity.
3. In space, no one can hear you scream,.. but they can hear lasers, asteroids, spaceship explosions, and a deep, ominous rumbling.
4. In every sci-fi film since Star Trek II, when a planet explodes, a big ring-shaped shock wave erupts from it and comes right at you.
5. Even far, far into the future, whenever you drive a spaceship, you must wear a special spacesuit,.. even when driving a spaceship is as common as driving a car.
6. Helmets on spacesuits are designed with little lights that shine in on the wearer's face, so that you can recognize them while it effectively blinds them.
7. Damage to a spaceship results in camera shaking and people lurching around. Buckle up, morons!
8. Shooting weapons inside a spaceship is always a good idea. It's not like anyone could be sucked out into the cold vacuum of space through even the smallest pinprick in the hull.
9. You don’t have to pilot the ship when you go into hyper-speed, because, somehow, you miss colliding with all those planets and stars.
10. If a spacecraft is piloted by a computer, something fucked-up is going to happen to make it want to kill all the passengers.
11. All spaceships have self-destruct modes and know how long it will take for a ship to explode.
12. Any problem with the spaceship’s system results in a shower of sparks.
artid
1779
Old Image
6_3_everything.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 03 (nov 2003)
section
stories