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22 December 2023
PORTLAND, OR - The National Coalition for Wood Appreciation and Awareness (NCWAA) declared bankruptcy today, after nearly three weeks of fruitless community service.
"Man, we talked to the cotton guys, the beef guys, the pork guys, and, hell, even the carpet guys! I thought we really had a grasp on how to pull this off," said Don Londer, CEO of the NCWAA.
Financial analysts are quoting their massive overhead, which included a $30 million television ad campaign, and the fact that the coalition never even once thought about taking in revenue, as the two major reasons for the failure.
"My great-grandpappy loved wood. My grandpappy loved wood. My pappy loved wood. And, yes, sir, I love wood," said a tearful NCWAA President, Alex Roebuck. "This country was built of wood. If it weren't for wood, we'd probably be living in refrigerators or caves. We here at the NCWAA just didn't want the children to forget about wood. But now it looks like they might."
"Man, we talked to the cotton guys, the beef guys, the pork guys, and, hell, even the carpet guys! I thought we really had a grasp on how to pull this off," said Don Londer, CEO of the NCWAA.
Financial analysts are quoting their massive overhead, which included a $30 million television ad campaign, and the fact that the coalition never even once thought about taking in revenue, as the two major reasons for the failure.
"My great-grandpappy loved wood. My grandpappy loved wood. My pappy loved wood. And, yes, sir, I love wood," said a tearful NCWAA President, Alex Roebuck. "This country was built of wood. If it weren't for wood, we'd probably be living in refrigerators or caves. We here at the NCWAA just didn't want the children to forget about wood. But now it looks like they might."
artid
1785
Old Image
6_3_wood.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 03 (nov 2003)
section
stories