admin
22 December 2023
Last week, I put my shirt on. That's the true story, so remember it. My favorite “Alligator Wrestling” shirt has two metal buttons on it. Last week, as I was putting it on, I stupidly scraped them across my face and cut the top of my nose. A sizable chunk of skin was ripped away, leaving a bloody hole I didn't even notice until I looked in the mirror at Borders. I was completely embarrassed, having walked around the store for a good 15 minutes with a small stream of blood, flowing down the slope on my face. Eventually, the blood dried and left a scab on my schnoz for everyone's viewing pleasure. I thought people were more polite about not pointing out blemishes on a person, but I guess I was wrong. Within 20 minutes of my day at work, someone asked, "What happened to your nose?"
"I cut it on my shirt."
But the truth didn't seem to be enough for people. It seemed that they were looking for a bigger story.
The next day I saw my old roommate in class. "Dude, what happened to your nose?"
"Dude, you're never gonna believe this." Immediately her eyes lit up and she got interested. "I was walking home from work last night and I saw a bobcat lying in the road. It looked dead, so being the animal lover that I am, I went to move it out of the street so that it wouldn't get squashed anymore. I picked it up, and then, BAM! It fucking clawed me in the nose! I threw it down and had to run home because it chased after me the rest of the way until I slammed the door in its face!"
"Oh my God, dude! That's crazy!"
She's a flake.
Yesterday, a chick at work asked me about it. I whispered to her, "Well, I've actually been having an affair with my English teacher. Last week while we were banging at his house, his wife came home and she and I got in this huge rumble! She scratched the hell out of my nose! She went crazy!" She totally believed it. It was great.
The stories just kept getting more detailed and interesting: I got mugged in the city; I fell off a huge rock while hiking; a fish bit me while I was scuba diving; I was threatened at knife point by my roommate. I felt like my life was actually interesting for once.
My nose is healed now, and no one asks me about it anymore.
"I cut it on my shirt."
But the truth didn't seem to be enough for people. It seemed that they were looking for a bigger story.
The next day I saw my old roommate in class. "Dude, what happened to your nose?"
"Dude, you're never gonna believe this." Immediately her eyes lit up and she got interested. "I was walking home from work last night and I saw a bobcat lying in the road. It looked dead, so being the animal lover that I am, I went to move it out of the street so that it wouldn't get squashed anymore. I picked it up, and then, BAM! It fucking clawed me in the nose! I threw it down and had to run home because it chased after me the rest of the way until I slammed the door in its face!"
"Oh my God, dude! That's crazy!"
She's a flake.
Yesterday, a chick at work asked me about it. I whispered to her, "Well, I've actually been having an affair with my English teacher. Last week while we were banging at his house, his wife came home and she and I got in this huge rumble! She scratched the hell out of my nose! She went crazy!" She totally believed it. It was great.
The stories just kept getting more detailed and interesting: I got mugged in the city; I fell off a huge rock while hiking; a fish bit me while I was scuba diving; I was threatened at knife point by my roommate. I felt like my life was actually interesting for once.
My nose is healed now, and no one asks me about it anymore.
artid
76
Old Image
4_7_nosy.swf
issue
vol 4 - issue 07 (mar 2002)
section
pen_think