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22 December 2023
There used to be certainties. People. Friends that could be trusted with anything. With everything. But that's in the past. That's been exposed as a lie.
You don't want the memories. You don't want the photos. You don't want the reminders.
Even with that assurance of friendship, life was hard. Maybe there's a pain or sadness from inside that no person or outside source can truly fix. They can help. Love can, too. Be it friendship or romantic. It can help. But when it's neglected, given up,.. or taken away,... When it's gone,... When the feelings of trust and love are ripped away and replaced with betrayal and hate, what is left to balance out that inner pain? What is there to help find reason? A reason to struggle?
You want to rip out your heart and burn it. You want to saw open your skull and tear out the pieces of gray matter inside that harbor the memories-- happy and sad. You want none of them.
Life becomes an empty gesture. A formality one must go through before it runs out. Marking time. Waiting for the whole farce to be over. Waiting for the pain to end.
You want the pain to end. You want what is already inevitable to happen now.
Why prolong the inevitable? Why suffer through years and years of knowing that the ones you loved and trusted with everything weren't deserving of it? Knowing that you'll never, ever be able to transfer those emotions to others, because that ability is now lost.
But you're too afraid to facilitate it. You're too afraid to be proactive. You're too afraid to end the pain. But you're also too afraid to live with it,...
Where's the harm in ending the pain? Where's the harm in finding relief? If this life is something not asked for, why not reject it? Why prolong it? Why live a masturbatory life? Going through the pathetic motions. Why go on when the outcome is absolutely inevitable?
You're stuck. Absolutely stuck. Waiting for the life to run out. You're forced to wait for an ending to the pain. Though most would say the opposite, you now realize living is the coward's way for you. You're forced to suffer until the inevitable.
If one knows that hope is lost-- that the past is tainted-- the present unbearable, the future,... What's the point? Why go on? Why prolong the inevitable?
You don't want the memories. You don't want the photos. You don't want the reminders.
Even with that assurance of friendship, life was hard. Maybe there's a pain or sadness from inside that no person or outside source can truly fix. They can help. Love can, too. Be it friendship or romantic. It can help. But when it's neglected, given up,.. or taken away,... When it's gone,... When the feelings of trust and love are ripped away and replaced with betrayal and hate, what is left to balance out that inner pain? What is there to help find reason? A reason to struggle?
You want to rip out your heart and burn it. You want to saw open your skull and tear out the pieces of gray matter inside that harbor the memories-- happy and sad. You want none of them.
Life becomes an empty gesture. A formality one must go through before it runs out. Marking time. Waiting for the whole farce to be over. Waiting for the pain to end.
You want the pain to end. You want what is already inevitable to happen now.
Why prolong the inevitable? Why suffer through years and years of knowing that the ones you loved and trusted with everything weren't deserving of it? Knowing that you'll never, ever be able to transfer those emotions to others, because that ability is now lost.
But you're too afraid to facilitate it. You're too afraid to be proactive. You're too afraid to end the pain. But you're also too afraid to live with it,...
Where's the harm in ending the pain? Where's the harm in finding relief? If this life is something not asked for, why not reject it? Why prolong it? Why live a masturbatory life? Going through the pathetic motions. Why go on when the outcome is absolutely inevitable?
You're stuck. Absolutely stuck. Waiting for the life to run out. You're forced to wait for an ending to the pain. Though most would say the opposite, you now realize living is the coward's way for you. You're forced to suffer until the inevitable.
If one knows that hope is lost-- that the past is tainted-- the present unbearable, the future,... What's the point? Why go on? Why prolong the inevitable?
artid
1893
Old Image
6_4_inevitable.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 04 (dec 2003)
section
pen_think