admin
22 December 2023
WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month frank wrote to the jackasses at CABLETHEFT.COM -- you really have to see this to believe it!
Dear TV Tattletales,
Thank you so much for your informative and illuminating website. I had no idea that I, as the consumer, was the one who really paid the price of cable theft. Everything I thought to be true has now been turned upside down. It truly is astounding to think your collective entertainment empires lose $5.1 billion dollars a year. Wow! And those figures: 11% of the population steals cable. By my slipshod calculations, that means you poor folks are forced to scrape by on a meager $45 billion a year. Man, and here I am complaining that I only make $5.75 an hour and have to live in my parents‘ basement! Therefore, I must report my dear, old grandmother as a dirty, rotten cable pilferer. I have known about her cable theft for a long time, but always figured it hurt no one. When Grandpa died a few years ago, she was left with only a meager government income that affords her a diet of rats and artificially-flavored oatmeal products. Her blindness only allows her to leave the house occasionally, so the TV is her only real friend, other than the never-ending stream of demonic clown voices in her head. I now realize I must do the right thing and turn that filthy, thieving octogenarian in. It is my civic duty to do so. You wonderful people have given me reason to do so-- not with fancy rewards or written promises of free cable-- but by offering nothing more than a chance to redeem my personal sense of honor at the expense of my fellow man. Kudos to you! Although your high moral standards obviously prohibit you from taking part in petty bribery, I am certain your message is an unspoken guarantee: If every American does their part, you will stop raising prices every year. Say hello to the chain gang, Grandma! Thank you again for helping me understand why I pay $50 a month for lousy reception, poor customer service, 13 useless news channels, and a round-the-clock horse racing network. Here I thought it was because you are just a bunch of bloodsucking, corporate greed mongers! Boy, was I ever wrong.
Sincerely,
frank putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
This month frank wrote to the jackasses at CABLETHEFT.COM -- you really have to see this to believe it!
Dear TV Tattletales,
Thank you so much for your informative and illuminating website. I had no idea that I, as the consumer, was the one who really paid the price of cable theft. Everything I thought to be true has now been turned upside down. It truly is astounding to think your collective entertainment empires lose $5.1 billion dollars a year. Wow! And those figures: 11% of the population steals cable. By my slipshod calculations, that means you poor folks are forced to scrape by on a meager $45 billion a year. Man, and here I am complaining that I only make $5.75 an hour and have to live in my parents‘ basement! Therefore, I must report my dear, old grandmother as a dirty, rotten cable pilferer. I have known about her cable theft for a long time, but always figured it hurt no one. When Grandpa died a few years ago, she was left with only a meager government income that affords her a diet of rats and artificially-flavored oatmeal products. Her blindness only allows her to leave the house occasionally, so the TV is her only real friend, other than the never-ending stream of demonic clown voices in her head. I now realize I must do the right thing and turn that filthy, thieving octogenarian in. It is my civic duty to do so. You wonderful people have given me reason to do so-- not with fancy rewards or written promises of free cable-- but by offering nothing more than a chance to redeem my personal sense of honor at the expense of my fellow man. Kudos to you! Although your high moral standards obviously prohibit you from taking part in petty bribery, I am certain your message is an unspoken guarantee: If every American does their part, you will stop raising prices every year. Say hello to the chain gang, Grandma! Thank you again for helping me understand why I pay $50 a month for lousy reception, poor customer service, 13 useless news channels, and a round-the-clock horse racing network. Here I thought it was because you are just a bunch of bloodsucking, corporate greed mongers! Boy, was I ever wrong.
Sincerely,
frank putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
artid
115
Old Image
4_4_putz.swf
issue
vol 4 - issue 04 (dec 2001)
section
stories