2001 XMAS WISHES

RECESSION SCHMESSION. YOU NEED TO START SHOPPING FOR THE TEN MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE, NAMELY US.
WAYNE'S WISH - I wish I was that Dr. Phil asshole so I could make an easy living off Oprah's fame.
VINNIE'S WISH - All I want for Christmas is a pony, a squirrel, and to watch my girl Stella go down on that chick from Amélie.
FPHATTY'S WISH - I wish for the triumphant return of Chompski, the Russian duck of good fortune.
DEBBIE'S WISH - I just wish someone could tell me what this rash is.
DARBY'S WISH - This year I wish to not to be called an idiot by everyone I know. Last year I got everyone I don't know, so this would complete my set.
CAP'N'S WISH - I sincerely wish I could take me eyes out and leave them to watch me treasure whilst I go out antiquing.
NEOGEO'S WISH - Santa always brings me a lump of coal. So I wish I could shove it right back up his ass so that next year I might get a diamond.
CORNELIUS'S WISH - I wish I had a ventriloquist dummy that said funny things and killed all who oppose me-- just like the last one. And a pony.
FUNK'S WISH - I wish I could colonize Mars so I could get the fuck away from you people.
HUGH'S WISH - All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. And a hooker. No, wait; the hooker, then the teeth. Ah, screw the teeth. All I want is some good lovin' at an affordable price.