INSANITY FOR FREEDOM

You don\'t realize how much of your life is taken away by your job until it\'s given back to you, and you don\'t know what to do with yourself. You begin to feel like a prisoner who\'s been released after a long sentence, only to end up being uncomfortable and frightened by the world you saw only glimpses of while behind bars.
There is something about the routine-- waking, showering, dressing, commuting to work, working eight hours, commuting home, eating dinner, going to bed, and then doing the same thing the very next day-- that offers comfort to us, no matter how much we like to complain about it. Knowing that when we wake up in the morning, we don\'t have to come up with something to occupy our time with; it\'s already been chosen for us, and all we need to do is follow.
I haven\'t worked in three months. I was fired in March for reasons that I\'m proud of, and have been living off of other people\'s tax money since. It sounds like a dream come true. No work, and enough money to live off of. I\'m getting paid to not work, and to do whatever I want with my spare time. I thought it was going to be fantastic, but the Catch-22 of the situation is that, because I\'m only getting enough to survive, I have no money to actually fill all of the time with. I can\'t go see movies. I can\'t go to theme parks. I can\'t go on a tropical vacation. I get to sit in my house and think, all day long. For three more months.
I am no longer in the Monday through Friday, 9-5 routine. I\'m in the routine of my own boredom. I can guarantee you that I look in the fridge the same amount of times every day, and, most of the time, I\'m not even hungry. It never fails that I get tired and take a nap at three o\'clock every day. There are days when I don\'t even leave the house. Some days, I\'ll plow through tons of writing, go for a bike ride, and maybe even clean the house. On other days, the couch and the TV are my best friends. It\'s disgusting.
I thought that being a writer would benefit from so much free time. I thought that I would finish my novel or my script, or that I would read every book I own, twice. But the reality of it, for me anyway, is that the boredom makes me weak. Have you ever been at work and felt sick to your stomach because you\'re so bored? It\'s as if your body and mind begin to shut down because they\'re not being used for any real purpose.
But what\'s better? Going to an office for nine hours a day, dealing with assholes and work that you don\'t give a shit about? Or staying at home with your own thoughts and boredom making you crazy?
I guess I just need to win the lottery.