HEADLINES TOO FUNNY FOR STORIES

Sometimes we here at tastes like chicken come up with headline ideas that no story could possibly live up to. Here are some of my favorites. Just imagine what could have been....
- PLUMBER ASKS, \"WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME MY ASS WAS HANGING OUT?\"
- FORTY-YEAR-OLD MAN OWNS ALL STREISAND AND CHER ALBUMS, LIVES WITH AUNT: \"I\'M NOT GAY!\"
- MILITARY ENLISTMENT DOWN DUE TO FEAR OF DEATH.
- MAN SIMULTANEOUSLY CALLED \"HERO\" AND \"SICKO\" FOR SAVING CHOKING VICTIM BY ADMINISTERING \"THE SHOCKER\".
- FANS RIOT WHEN LEAD SINGER OF BAND LIES ABOUT THEM BEING \"THE BEST CROWD EVER\".
- GEEKS FIND DRESSING GOTH STILL DOESN’T GET THEM LAID.
- BUBBLE BOY DEFLATES SELF IN SUICIDE ATTEMPT.
- NEWSFLASH! IF YOU HIGH-FIVE PEOPLE, YOU’RE A DICK.
- MINNESOTA MAN FINALLY UNDERSTANDS TERM \"GETTIN\' JIGGY WITH IT\".
- NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK STILL TURNS GIRL INTO SLUT.
- ARE YOU THERE, HITLER? IT’S ME, MARGARET.