KATHY GRIFFIN

THINK REALITY-BASED PROGRAMMING, CELEBRITY GOSSIP AND POP MUSIC AREN'T INTERESTING? THINK AGAIN. DARBY O'GILL MANAGED TO GET COMEDIENNE KATHY GRIFFIN'S PERSPECTIVE.
darby: What’s next for Kathy Griffin?
Kathy: Well, I have my run on Celebrity Millionaire. It’s going to run for a month, because it’s on every Monday. That was a dream for me. I love that show. I mean, I love Regis. And it was very, very exciting, but yet I was traumatized. I’m also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It’s going to be a spoof of Biography.
d: What’s your favorite reality program?
K: You know, the best one really is Survivor. I mean, it’s just edited so well and you really get invested in those people. I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming. It’s really well done. The games are hard, and they get really good people. I really love them all. I’m looking forward to Temptation Island 2. Big Brother 2 was shockingly good, considering how much the first one sucked. They totally learned their lesson the first time around.
d: Have you seen Shipmates?
K: I haven’t seen that yet, but I don’t like the premise. Shipmates has different people each night. I want to get involved with these people. I like the serial aspect.
d: What would be your dream reality show if you could put one together?
K: I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great. How do you survive the four seasons without calling your manager for two days? It would be short and sweet. I’d try and survive Julia Roberts, really, in any setting. It doesn’t even need to be in Africa or the Outback. I like the shows that don’t necessarily have a game aspect to them. That’s what I loved about Temptation Island. I don’t even know why they did it. What’s wrong with those people? I couldn’t imagine having all the downsides of fame without having any of the money. You have all these people recognizing you, thinking they know you. Like, I don’t know how they get those kids to do The Real World? I can’t imagine anything less advantageous to a person than to be ridiculed by the world forever and ever. And then you don’t even get any money. It hasn’t lead to anything for any of them. And don’t talk to me about Eric Nies being on The Grind, because that doesn’t count.
d: Do you feel like The Real World just gets cheaper and cheaper each year?
K: Oh, yeah! The thing that bums me out about The Real World is I don’t want to believe that teenagers are that stupid. They never, ever read the paper. They really do just have conversations, like, “You know what people don’t know about me? They don’t know that I’m the type of person who is honest about me. And if I can’t be me, I don’t know how to be.” They’re such dipshits and it makes me think, “God, were we that stupid?” Something that really bothers me is that it’s really just an image of morons. It would be fun to see some smart people lose their minds; to be stuck in a house with all idiots.
d: What was one of the worst dates you’ve been on?
K: Oh, man. There have been so many. I remember one where I got out of the car and walked home because he was checking out other girls all night. The walk home was four hours. I don’t know if it was because I was young and stupid, but I didn’t even get a taxi. I just remember walking home for hours. I never regretted it, because the guy was a jerk. I think it’s good if you actually stay with the person for the length of the date. As long as no one leaves in a huff. No huff leaving.
d: What is the hottest gossip you’ve heard lately?
K: Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn’t care less if it’s true. I like the whole J-Lo/anthrax rumor. I think that’s great. I say we put her right in the mix of things.
d: Well, she did get married to help us move on.
K: Yeah. Her marriage is a salute to America. As far as other rumors go, I also love all the “who’s sleeping with who” stuff. I love dirt of all kinds. All dirt is clean. There’s no such thing as filthy dirt.
d: Do dog’s have lips?
K: Well, I’m obsessed with my dogs. We have two dogs and I know they smile when they’re good boys! But are they lips? I don’t know if dog’s do, but I do know Kenneth Branagh doesn’t. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed that. He doesn’t really have lips. He just kind of has a hole in his head that is his mouth.
d: What’s your favorite movie of all time?
K: The Dead Zone by David Cronenberg. I love that movie. I think it’s perfect. I love the character Christopher Walken plays: John Smith. I love that movie.
d: What CD is in your car right now?
K: I have Madonna’s Music. I also have Robbie Williams’ new one and Destiny’s Child’s Survivor. I’m a big pop fan. I also just bought an old Genesis album. I’ll totally see something I had as an LP, and I’ll buy it. I’ll be like, “What? Cat Stevens’ Tea for the Tillerman? I’ve got to have it!” So I have a weird connection to the latest stuff and stuff from the seventies. I really like Tenacious D. They totally rock! Jack Black has one of the most beautiful voices, and they’re so amazing live.