MY PEE-PEE IS SO STOKED!

Baby-girl, now that we've made it past your obligatory five-month period of sex-free-dating, I have to admit, my pee-pee is so very stoked. Like a starving Somalian who finally gets that visit from Sally Struthers, my man just can't wait to fall head over heels into the warm, plush arms of your gluttonous offering. I swear! It's as if we're both 16 again, and I can't help but follow his lead.
Honey-child, my guy is no Norse god, but he promises to make the next 45 seconds the best 45 seconds of your life. Laugh as you may, his pubescent lack of stamina just adds to his impish charm. Cosmo and that damned Lifetime Channel will tell you to treat coitus like a Castrol Motor Oil Time Trial. But when the beachcomber and I are done working you with our time-tested missionary styles, you'll be convinced that tantra is for the weak. Oh, please believe it!
Anyway, Sugar-nostrils, I just wanted to give you a heads-up to show you where Pecos Bill and I are coming from. But now, it's on with the butt-nasty bum rush and, just like my daddy in Korea, my little panzer is gonna take that hill. Hoo-ah!