KYLIE MINOGUE - BODY LANGUAGE LIVE

Kylie Minogue may look like a superficial model who has gotten by on her looks, but her new DVD, Body Language Live, proves that there is a lot more substance to her than... sorry. Couldn’t keep a straight face any longer. This thing is the pits! Okay, seriously, did I miss something? Is Kyle Minogue really somebody? I thought people only sort of knew who she was because of that lousy “Locomotion” cover years ago.

We got this DVD, which I got passed to review since I drooled a lot over Minogue’s “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” video (yeah, you know the one!). The DVD is some big production where she does her best watered-down Madonna/Britney Spears imitation, complete with feeble dance moves, high-pitched chipmunk voice, and pseudo art pretensions. The show is divided by costume changes into 4 sections; “Paris by Night”, ”Bardello”, “Electro”, and “On Yer Bike”-- each one a handful of concert clichés jammed together in the most unoriginal and inartistic ways possible. Example: Minogue tries to channel the spirit of Bridget Bardot while gyrating in front of some gay gimp cyborg versions of Devo. This doesn’t really do it for anyone does it? Does anyone really like this stuff?

The DVD strikes me as a parody except for the fact that no one making it seems to get the joke. When the cameras do divert from the Duran Duran dancers and show the audience, it’s all \"sausage\". I think I counted five women in the whole audience. The rest? All dorky dudes, and I can’t really tell if they’re drooling over Minogue or the prancing boys in bondage gear.