SEVERANCE

Today, at my job, I am trying to do as little as possible. I’m hoping that the “big wigs” will decide that they don’t really need me, and will lay me off instead of having me quit. They’ve started another set of layoffs today. People in the office are walking from cubicle to cubicle, trying to get the latest rumors of where the company’s going and who’s computer and phone were just taken away. We all know that it isn’t going to last much longer. I just wish that instead of having to quit, they would sit me down and say something like, “We’re sorry, but you know how the economy is right now, and we just don’t have the funds to keep you on as an employee. We are able to offer you three weeks severance for this unfortunate trouble.” And as I sit there and hear those words coming out of their mouths, I can’ t help but actually hear, “Not only do you NOT have to come to this hellhole again, but we are giving you three weeks of pay free as a going away present!” Ah, those sweet words would make my week. My boss walked by, but didn’t notice the fact that I was reading the newest Sports Illustrated; or that I’ve been on the phone with my friend Ryan for the past half-hour. It’s like that guy says in the movie Office Space: “I’m not lazy. I just don’t care.” This place sucks now and everyone knows that it’s going out of business. But it was pretty cool when I first started. We were making money fast,.. and spending it even faster on comforts for the employees. No one bothered to think that with every Ocean Spray juice they took from the fridge and every free bagel they ate on a Wednesday, they were taking away a week of their employment. I feel bad for my friends here who actually take their jobs seriously and care if they are laid off or not. I’m only the receptionist and could care less since this isn’t my career. But I feel sorry for people like Mitch in engineering who has a family to take care of. Or Greg in software development who is getting married this month and now has to worry about how he’s going to pay for his wedding. With our last set of layoffs two months ago, the CEO said that the rest of us had nothing to worry about for quite some time, and that we could now be closer, like a family. It’s amazing how quickly their tone changed from, “We are a team, a family,” to “You have fifteen minutes to leave the building or you will be escorted out by security.” What a crock of shit. I hate big business. I hate corporate dicks who know nothing about being human, but somehow end up in positions over us. I quit.