HAIL SATAN!

Take heed, good and god-fearing people, for Satan is upon us from the bowels of the deepest regions of Hell. He shall rise up from number four Privot Drive, riding a flaming Nimbus Two Thousand broomstick. He will scour the Earth, destroying all who oppose him with furious vengeance and anger, casting spells of evil and driving our children into the dark artistry of witchcraft! His name is Harry Potter, and he is coming to eat your soul! All hail Harry Potter! This is what Bible Thumpers and Jesus Freaks of the world would like you to believe. They want you to believe that a once poor single mother from Scotland conjured up a delightful series of books to promote witchcraft to millions of children and adults. I doubt that any eight-year-old kids will be sacrificing their baby sisters to Lucifer after reading any Harry Potter book, Lord of the Rings, or watching the fucking Smurfs. You pulpit pumpers are out of your fucking minds. You know, there was another group that banned books and art. What were they called again? Oh yeah,.. Nazis! You claim to be in the Lord’s service as shepherds watching over a flock. I like to think of it as more like lemmings over a cliff, and you’re the first motherfuckers to jump. The only magic J. K. Rowling created was getting kids to read more than the back of a cereal box. Kids might even read the Bible and learn kindness, love, honor and not to be judgmental pricks. The very same messages promoted in Harry Potter, but far more entertaining. Both have ghosts, talking animals and flying creatures. And although water into wine is a neat trick, it’s no Quidditch match. Attention all Christ Monkeys: find a new hobby other than clicking through every frame of Disney flicks. It is high time you hypocrites take a step back and gain some common sense. Call off your puritanical witch hunts and bonfires. God is an idea that has been twisted and corrupted by those who use it to gain social or political power to validate their immoral acts. Which is the true sin: writing silly children’s books, or using religion to breed hate and line your pockets with cash? Accept what you are: a random package of flesh and bone. No better, no worse and no closer to heaven. The 700 Club is fucking it up for everyone! Fuck you, Pat Robertson, Rev. Joseph Chambers and Rev. Louis Sheldon. Fuck you, Jerry Falwell. Christianity is not a dictatorship, you fat pompous prick. Can I get a fuckin’ "Amen"?