RANDOMNESS

Think about this, children:
1. I always hear these news reports about psychopaths putting razorblades in children's Halloween candy. That's pretty stupid. Kids don't even shave.
2. My best friend Erin got married last month. It was a beautiful ceremony. We threw rice at the newlyweds when the ceremony was over, and released a whole bunch of doves into the air to symbolize their love. Which was cool, until it started to rain. You see, the doves had managed to eat a great deal of the dry rice we threw. And the rain made the rice expand in their little birdie stomachs. Have you ever seen a sky full of doves explode?
3. Did anyone else find it really creepy that back in the ‘80s, giant talking pieces of fruit were the spokespeople for underwear?
4. If CDs supposedly last forever, and only cockroaches will survive nuclear disaster, I think now more than ever we should be teaching the cockroaches how to operate and enjoy CDs and CD players.
5. Psychologists say that men fall in love with women who remind them of their mothers. Strange, because my mother never tossed me around like a cheap, pathetic rag doll.
6. When I was little, my brother and I had two WWF thumbwrestler toys: Junkyard Dog, and Rowdy Roddy Piper. I was always Junkyard Dog, because I didn't like to think about what I was sticking my thumb in under plastic Roddy's kilt.