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22 December 2023
WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month frank wrote to COSTUMES, INC. - the #1 online store for costumes - including ones for cats and dogs!
Dear Doggy Disguisers,
I must admit that I was both amazed and delighted to find that your fine, upstanding company supplies animal aficionados everywhere with wonderful Halloween costumes for their four-legged family members. I, personally, am a tremendous lover of animals of all shapes and sizes, and have found much pleasure in dressing them up in little, funny costumes year-round. Some people find my closeness to my 17 dogs, 47 cats, 14 hamsters, two lizards, 21 birds and 32 other miscellaneous creatures to be troubling and strange, but, personally, I don't know how I'd get through the day without them. We do everything together-- eat, play, sleep, make love. Let me tell you, there is nothing sexier than a mutt in a leather biker outfit lying spread eagle in a bathtub full of cottage cheese, pork rinds and pencil shavings. At first, I must admit, I was concerned that I would hurt the animals. However, I soon realized that they enjoy our little dress-up sessions just as much as I do. I knew there was nothing to fear when I came home from work one day only to find that all of the dogs had already dressed themselves in their rabbi costumes and garter belts. Much to my added delight, my favorite dog, Mr. Sexy Bottom, brought out the cat o' nine tails, go-cart lube and crunchy peanut butter before I even had to ask. The cats, of course, rarely cooperate, but we all know how bitchy pussy can get sometimes. Usually if I buy them flowers and dinner, they get into bed with little incident. Anyway, the reason I was writing was I wondered if you could make me a specialty costume for my poodle, Nutty McHotspunk. He seems a little despondent lately, so I thought perhaps a new outfit would brighten his spirits. I'm thinking something grandmotherly with a touch of Spartacus. Or perhaps a torn swashbuckler top with jewel encrusted, crotchless panties and a fake beard made of mongoose fur and beef jerky. It would also be nice if you could fashion a strap-on rubber wee-wee (approximately five-feet long) in the shape of a doggy biscuit. I would be happy to send out some crude, schematic drawings I've come up with if it would help. I hope that you can help me, as I'm unsure if Nutty McHotspunk can hold out much longer.
Sincerely,
frank putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
This month frank wrote to COSTUMES, INC. - the #1 online store for costumes - including ones for cats and dogs!
Dear Doggy Disguisers,
I must admit that I was both amazed and delighted to find that your fine, upstanding company supplies animal aficionados everywhere with wonderful Halloween costumes for their four-legged family members. I, personally, am a tremendous lover of animals of all shapes and sizes, and have found much pleasure in dressing them up in little, funny costumes year-round. Some people find my closeness to my 17 dogs, 47 cats, 14 hamsters, two lizards, 21 birds and 32 other miscellaneous creatures to be troubling and strange, but, personally, I don't know how I'd get through the day without them. We do everything together-- eat, play, sleep, make love. Let me tell you, there is nothing sexier than a mutt in a leather biker outfit lying spread eagle in a bathtub full of cottage cheese, pork rinds and pencil shavings. At first, I must admit, I was concerned that I would hurt the animals. However, I soon realized that they enjoy our little dress-up sessions just as much as I do. I knew there was nothing to fear when I came home from work one day only to find that all of the dogs had already dressed themselves in their rabbi costumes and garter belts. Much to my added delight, my favorite dog, Mr. Sexy Bottom, brought out the cat o' nine tails, go-cart lube and crunchy peanut butter before I even had to ask. The cats, of course, rarely cooperate, but we all know how bitchy pussy can get sometimes. Usually if I buy them flowers and dinner, they get into bed with little incident. Anyway, the reason I was writing was I wondered if you could make me a specialty costume for my poodle, Nutty McHotspunk. He seems a little despondent lately, so I thought perhaps a new outfit would brighten his spirits. I'm thinking something grandmotherly with a touch of Spartacus. Or perhaps a torn swashbuckler top with jewel encrusted, crotchless panties and a fake beard made of mongoose fur and beef jerky. It would also be nice if you could fashion a strap-on rubber wee-wee (approximately five-feet long) in the shape of a doggy biscuit. I would be happy to send out some crude, schematic drawings I've come up with if it would help. I hope that you can help me, as I'm unsure if Nutty McHotspunk can hold out much longer.
Sincerely,
frank putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
artid
182
Old Image
4_2_putz.swf
issue
vol 4 - issue 02 (oct 2001)
section
stories