I LOVE YOUR WIFE, TOO

I have to admit, I am a huge supporter of the Promise Keepers. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “wayne, how can you, of anyone, support that pseudo-macho, crybaby bullshit?” And to you, dear friend, I have this to say: for every “man” that goes to a Promise Keepers gathering, there is a lonely woman sitting at home wondering whether or not her husband is gay. And I am there to ease her pain. You see, while you poor, insecure guys are sitting in an arena crying and screaming to God, I’m making your wives scream to God in the bedroom. While you’re begging for forgiveness, your wives are begging for more. Since its start in 1990, millions of men have joined this creepy adult version of the Boy Scouts. You do the math. That means there are millions of unsatisfied women out there right now. Play ball! Overall, do I think Promise Keepers is a bizarre and scary cult parallel to the likes of Heaven’s Gate and Scientology? Yes. Do I care? No. As long as you stay the fuck away from your wives, you can do whatever you want. So keep going to your meetings and hugging the fat, sweaty guy next to you. Keep crying and feeling insecure. Keep questioning whether or not you’re worthy of your wife. Keep busy. Because I’m starting my own cult while you’re gone. And my cult, unlike yours, is for women only. And your wife is a card-carrying member.